


水曜日の月

by Lrihgo



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst, Background Aqours characters, Background NicoMaki, Background NozoEli, Drama, F/F, Mystery, Porn With Plot, Romance, Supernatural - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-07 04:58:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 35,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8784058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lrihgo/pseuds/Lrihgo
Summary: Winter has always been a season of familiarity to fashion design student Minami Kotori. It's the second semester of her second year in university, she's doing well in her classes, she has a part-time job she likes, and it seems like everything is as it should be. She only needs to continue to work hard to catch her dreams. But when she attends her weekly independent figure drawing class one Wednesday night, she meets model Sonoda Umi who is lost in this world and every other world she walks. Kotori starts to walk with her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to Suiyoubi no Tsuki, a hopefully short and experimental little idea i had that is supposed to be stress free on my part and easy to update and finish. as a warning, there is mystery and plot to walk through, but this fic will contain sex scenes that should be easily skipable, if you don't want to read that stuff. the original intention was to make porn with plot, but i've wanted to write something "pretty" for a while so while the scenes won't be explicit like my porny writing usually is, they are still nsfw. thank you for checking this out and i hope you enjoy.
> 
> edit;; Suiyoubi no Tsuki now has a chinese translation!!! thank you so so much Ariel_Chaosheng!  
> you can find it at this link here: http://lmxcs.lofter.com/post/1e73f77f_e2fdc58

Winter kisses her nose and the tips of her ears, painting them red. In her thick mitted hand, Kotori carries an art portfolio and she clenches onto it tighter as she exhales white, looking longingly up into the glass shop displays of beautifully lit mannequins. The outfits they sport are stunning, innovative, and fun coats and scarves and accessories. When she closes her warm caramel eyes, she sees her own designs modeled up there. 

She powers through the cold—lets the determination move her freezing limbs down the sidewalk. She steps up to a modest studio, invitingly lit in the soft cradle of the silent Wednesday evening. 

Inside, the other patrons are already setting up their boards and talking in hushed, polite voices. Kotori is greeted jovially and she smiles shyly back and engages in casual conversation in return. 

The other patrons here are much older than her. She’s fresh into college and her art skills couldn't rival her experienced neighbors on a good day—most of them had been drawing for as long as she’s been alive, after all. Kotori builds herself back up because she knows it's not a competition. Even experts had something new to learn from these classes. 

They set up around a raised platform and Kotori pulls out her wide assembly of pencils and places her modest sketch pad in front of her. Just as she’s sharpening her pencils to fine tips, the instructor steps into the room and informs everyone that today will be an extended pose session. Kotori likes it when they're able to focus on one model for a long time and brings out a larger canvas from her bag in preparation. 

Snow starts to fall outside and she watches as she waits, her eyes dazedly looking into the dark sky as the snow lazily glides down and tickles the large window. She pictures the anatomy of a perfect winter outfit and starts shifting through her knowledge of various fabrics that would be idea to combat the cold. 

The room falls silent and Kotori snaps out of her trance, looking around quietly. Eyes are focused on papers and no one seems to have noticed her lapse of attention. She turns back to the platform in the center of the room and she feels her heart clam up into her throat. 

She failed to notice the model get into place. And this model is gorgeous. She has long, beautiful deep royal blue hair that falls around her shoulders like water. Her skin is fair, unmarked, and smooth. The pose she holds is romantic and graceful. It looks effortless the way she lounges, relaxing back on her forearms. Her legs are windingly long—one is bent at the knee while the other is folded underneath. Her head is tilted back, the skin of her neck stretched taut over the cords of her throat. Her expression is expressionless yet strikingly lovely—her lashes are dark and heavy over her amber eyes. Kotori feels her mouth go dry as she takes a moment to gape. 

This isn't the first time that she’s crushed on one of the models. A layer of undeniable intimacy is created during the long hours of studying their naked bodies. Usually, the studying is just that—medical and technical. It isn't that part that embarrasses her. It’s just that she can't ever truly remove the soul of the people from the bodies she captures. 

People are visceral and larger than life and she can't help but to think about the model’s life when she gets like this. She tries to encapsulate every living breath in her art and she tries to learn everything she can about the people she finds attractive to try and learn what that might mean about herself. It breaks her heart every time it's time to wrap up the session. Kotori never learns because the hurt is always fresh when it's time to say goodbye. 

Kotori sorely regrets missing the model’s entrance. She would have liked to see her in motion to try and learn something about her. It was in her interest to know how bodies moved because of her work in fashion and the way clothes can express something about a person in motion. 

Kotori breathes and takes another handful of seconds to regain her focus. Her pencil starts flying across her canvas as she loosely lays down the structure of the pose. This part is just eyeing and numbers and measurements and bones and muscles. Then she finds the distribution of the weight, dissects the tension of the shoulders, identifies the laxness of her willowy fingers... 

She jumps up to sketch in her face. But the longer Kotori looks and tries to make out the details, the more and more confused she becomes. The face is neutral, but she can't decipher what emotion she sees in the model’s eyes. She doesn't know how to capture and expand upon it. She didn't see it initially and it starts to irk her that she can't make anything out of it. It dawns on her that she doesn't think she has ever encountered this emotion that she wore. It was ancient but young, straightforward yet cloudy.

It lingers in Kotori’s mind for the rest of the session. She starts adding darker values and develops the piece into a more finished product. She does her best with the face. She tries to understand and stares and tries to cage it in and stares and wrestles with it for the rest of the three hours. The instructor clasps her wrinkled hands together and announces the end of the model’s time and everyone relaxes and begins to pack up. The model stretches and is handed a white robe and Kotori sits almost dumbly as she tries to gauge anything else from her expression, but strangely enough, once she leaves her pose, her eyes become impossibly guarded and hard. 

Kotori looks down and stares at her canvas. A pit forms in her heart as she looks over the face she has captured. She doesn't know why the pit is there, but it hurts. She packs away her pencils and finds that those eyes looking at nothing are haunting her. 

She stands and stretches out her fingers and rolls her stiff shoulders. The other patrons are walking around and inspecting each other’s work, interested in the different viewpoints around the room. Kotori walks along, as well, looking up every once and a while at the model, who is having a polite chat with the instructor. Kotori rounds the room and picks up some of the conversation.

“—an inconvenience if you continued to attend this session?” Kotori manages to catch the end of what the instructor says. 

The response is hesitant. “Every Wednesday… I don't know about every single one, but I can make next week’s,” the model spoke softly, her voice melodious and tired like the lower register of a clarinet. 

Kotori allows a bubble of excitement to grow in her stomach. So maybe this wasn't goodbye quite yet. She ducks past, knowing very well that eavesdropping is rude, and returns to her things to finish packing up. 

A few minutes later, she finally reaches to put away her piece, when a voice chimes in behind her, low and even. 

“I-I’m sorry, I was just looking.”

Kotori’s back shoots up ramrod straight and her hands freeze. Maybe a squeak leaves her mouth, too… no, one definitely does. She peeks over her shoulder at the model and she suddenly forgets every word of Japanese she’s ever known. She flushes and stares. Having anyone look at her work is embarrassing, but having the model look—and a very pretty one, at that—is a million times worse. 

The contemplative look the model treats the canvas with is enough to make Kotori start sweating. Does she hate it? Does she think it needs more work? 

Kotori gets a moment to see her face up close. Her eyes are somber by design—there are no happy curves around her eyes. They are sharp and her lids are heavy and even. Her brows sit in a slight furrow. She has such a serious, mature look that Kotori wonders how much older she could possibly be than her. She has a perfect oval jawline and full pink lips and Kotori has to remind herself that staring is also awfully rude so she brings her attention back to her work. 

“It’s… me.”

Kotori fiddles with her fingers in her lap. What a strange thing to say. “U-um… yes.”

“I haven't seen myself in a long time,” she says just above a whisper, her voice thick with an indiscernible emotion. 

Kotori slowly looks back up over her shoulder, at a loss as of how to interpret the meaning of her words. She’s struck with the sight of sadness in those beautiful amber eyes and her heart aches in her chest. Kotori wasn't sure what she had done, but she feels awful in the moment. “I-I apologize…”

“No, it’s alright,” she manages and shakes her head. Then, she is suddenly all walls and formalities. “Thank you for your hard work. You’re very talented.”

Kotori can't say much else as the complement washes over her and overwhelms her. She can't reply anyway because the model turns and walks away before she’s able to utter another sound.


	2. Chapter 2

The week passes without much incident. 

Kotori gets pulled aside at work, positive that's she's about to be reprimanded by the assistant manager and ready to get an ear full despite the fact that she’s considered the most popular maid at the café she works at part time. But she just gets asked if she's had anything on her mind because she seems a bit spacey. Amber eyes flash through her mind and she says that she always gets like this when it gets cold and she’ll make sure that she keeps her focus while she's on the clock. It wasn't a lie but it wasn't the entire truth. 

She’s allowed to go home early but she takes the extra hours because she needs the money. Her bosses love her enthusiasm and don't comment on her work ethic for the rest of the week. 

Kotori returns home to her small apartment after work and class. It’s a mess to her, but she’s seen Honoka’s place, so she doesn't think she’s so bad off. There are drawings pinned up everywhere and a dress form in the corner of the living room with bolts of fabric lined up across the floor. Clippings of fashion magazine pages covers an entire cork board that she has hanging up over the far wall. It looks like an artist’s place and it's homely. 

Though she lives by herself, Kotori knows that Honoka and even Maki are just a short phone call away. It’s easy enough to get them over when she throws food into the mix, especially for Honoka. She calls her mother every night and makes sure to tell her how well she’s doing and what kind of things happened to her that day. 

Kotori never mentions the naked figure drawing class to her mother and she thinks that's for the best. She doesn't know how she would react to such a thing, though she knows that she probably wouldn't be too upset. Her mother understands very little about art and fashion, but she supports her in any way that she knows how and for that, Kotori is extremely thankful and lucky. 

Kotori finishes making her simple dinner and she tells her mother good night as she goes and sits out on her tiny balcony. The moon is well high in the sky and Kotori bundles up in a sweater and scarf. Her rice steams up in the cold and she watches it contently as she sinks into her bean bag chair. She takes a deep breath and the chill winter air rushes through her lungs, making her feel like a new, fresh person.

She eats and accidentally dozes off for a bit. She comes down with a bit of a sneeze and she can only laugh at how silly it is for her to catch a cold like this. She takes a warm bath and rolls out her futon and stares up at the ceiling as she settles deep within the sheets. 

Kotori turns her head and sees the drawing she made last Wednesday propped up against the wall. She had pulled it out and messed with it since the session and it has been on her mind ever since. She still can't decipher the emotion that the model shows. 

She realizes that tomorrow is Wednesday and she’ll be able to see her again. She smiles and closes her eyes, ready for sleep to take her away. 

She sneezes. 

\--

Kotori practically skips to the small studio’s door. She pulls it open and steps inside, the warm gust of the heater kissing her numb cheeks. She sets up at her usual spot around the middle podium and attentively watches the only entrance into the studio. Her leg is shaking impatiently and her pencil is already poised on the canvas. 

Amused, her neighbor leans over and she feels a cold gust of air that is blown into her ear. It surprises her and she shrieks and jumps and whips her attention to her right, her face bright red. “T-Toujou-san!” she exclaims. 

Toujou Nozomi looks back at her with a mischievous glint in her turquoise eyes. “I’m sorry, I couldn't control myself! What are you so excited about, hmm?” She asks with a grin, her Kansai accent pleasant and motherly. 

Kotori hesitates, knowing full well how much Nozomi likes to tease her in any way shape or form. Nozomi doesn't show up to class often, but when she does, Kotori finds that she enjoys those days a little more, even if Nozomi only ever plots to make her blush for her own evil sake. Nozomi is just a couple years older than her, but it's nice to have someone around her age to keep company at this sort of thing. 

“I-I just love drawing, you know me!” Kotori says in a horribly faked nonchalant voice, obviously flustered. 

“Liar!” Nozomi teases back and turns to organize her work station. “Ah, well. I’ll get it out of you soon enough!”

Kotori laughs nervously and slides right back into watching the doorway, but on the way, she notices the beautiful model from last week is already at the platform and finding a pose with the instructor. Kotori squeaks in surprise. She missed her coming in again!

“Ooooh, I see,” Nozomi chuckles in amusement. Kotori stiffens and her hand jerks forward and marks her canvas with one long, ugly dark line. “Sonoda-san is quite pretty, isn't she?” 

Kotori ducks her head and pretends to put every last ounce of her focus into erasing the mark she made. She gasps and turns her wide eyes towards Nozomi. “W-wait! How do you know her name?” She whispers to her. 

Nozomi shrugs. “I just know. She’s Sonoda Umi.”

Somehow, Kotori knew that Nozomi was withholding information from her, but asking for anything more would be outing herself as interested and ripe for a whole three hours of teasing. She hums in response and looks back towards the model. Towards Sonoda Umi. The room quiets once she finds a pose and everyone focuses on their work. 

Kotori gulps and progresses through getting the basic shapes. She keeps focused for the better part of the hour, purposefully avoiding her face. It’s like she is afraid of what she might see. When she dares to finally look up enough to start work on the part she didn't know she was dreading, she is stunned when she sees Umi's eyes resting on her. The gaze is unassuming yet overbearing. Kotori swallows hard and tries to not crack underneath the pressure of her watchful eyes. Thankfully, Umi doesn't seem too enthralled with her side of the room and doesn't look for long. 

The session finishes much faster than she could've ever anticipated. The drawing that she looks back at holds the same problem that she had with her previous piece. The face is the exact same, gorgeous and poised like royalty, but the emotion that she captured is even more apparent here than it was last week, whatever it was. 

But somehow, Kotori feels like it is a silent plea for help that only she can see and the weight of such a realization overwhelms her. When she looks at the other’s works, they are as true to life as her piece is, but she notices that she is seeing something else in Umi’s face that no one else has managed to catch on to. It drives her insane that she is subject to these questions with no answers. 

Kotori was shy. She wasn't about to go up to Sonoda Umi and ask her what ails her so easily. That would be rude anyway. She knows nothing about her. She probably wants nothing to do with her, anyway. 

Kotori packs up her things, watching over her shoulder for Umi, but she has disappeared from the room. She says goodbye to Nozomi and hopes she will see her next week. As she steps out into the crisp winter night, she sighs wistfully and stands looking out to the road. She sneezes and sniffles, knowing full well that she was coming down with a sickness that could only be inconvenient at best. But she’ll get through it. She’s confident things will be alright. 

A shadow stretches across the street in front of her and a figure stops at her shoulder. She looks over, her mind running blank as she gapes up at Umi, who is looking right at her. She shuffles away, murmuring a meek “excuse me” as she averts her eyes and starts off down the sidewalk, unsure of what to do or say and not knowing if there really _is_ anything to do or say. 

“Please wait.”

Kotori halts and she feels her heart crash into her chest as that pleading, weak call falls onto her ears. She clenches onto her art portfolio and peeks over her shoulder as she pulls her scarf over her reddening nose shyly. 

Umi stands there, her hands flexing and unflexing at her sides. She looks troubled, her lips parted to speak, but no words come forth. Kotori watches the puffs of warm breath cloud from her lips for a stretch of silence that is both tense and the most natural thing in the world. 

“You… do you… do you see me?” Umi finally asks, timid and unsure. 

Kotori can't understand the alien nature question at all. But she answers with such conviction that it surprises her. “Yes.” She isn't sure what she could see, but something tells her that she can. Seeing doesn't always equate understanding. 

Umi swallows hard and her jaw tightens. She is guarded now. The walls she summons seem to be out of necessity than rudeness. “What’s your name?”

Kotori whispers her name, unable to hear the sound carry through the thunderous claps of her heart beating in her ears. 

Umi stares for a long time and something becomes lost in her eyes as a look akin to painful realization passes over her face. “Minami-san…”

“Yes?” Kotori replies and turns her shoulders more fully towards Umi, an anxious excitement warming her stomach. Umi has said such strange things to her and for some reason, she finds that she’s intrigued to hear something— _anything_ more that will complicate the image she has of her as it stood. Kotori doesn't think she's been more confused in her life and she is weirdly living for it in this moment. 

“Do you like manjuu?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins.

The crunch of ice underfoot and the passing of cars is all that settles between the two of them as Kotori and Umi awkwardly make their way down the sidewalk. 

Kotori fishes for something to say, usually able to relieve the tenseness of any situation effortlessly due to her natural affinity to mediate most conversations she is apart of. She is a paragon of advice and stability to her closest friends, always the one with answers and ways to make life just a little easier. But now, she fails to understand why she has accepted an invitation out on a late Wednesday night with a beautiful stranger. 

Kotori watches Umi from the side of her eye. She’s stiff and her body language is so withdrawn, Kotori has to wonder if she’s done anything wrong to make her seem so out of place and uncomfortable. Umi looks at anything but her. There seems to be a permanent knit between her brows. Doesn't she know she’ll get wrinkles that way?

They take a short train ride in silence. Umi picks the stop to get off at and says under her breath that they're almost there. The streets become familiar and Kotori has a rising suspicion of where they are going. Strange that Umi would go out of her way to this particular bakery when there are so many others in Tokyo. There was no possible way. 

But the establishment they stop before is exactly as she has expected. 

“How do you know Homura Bakery?” Kotori inquires in awe. Homura is a modest establishment in a friendly neighborhood that thrives off of regular patronage. Most customers have been coming through for years and new faces were rare. Not to mention this is where one of her best friends lives and she had spent a better part of her childhood visiting here. 

The way Umi presses her lips together into a thin line is lost on Kotori. Umi clears her throat and beckons towards the door. “I’ve been here a couple times when I was a lot younger,” she answers and Kotori supposes she is content with the answer. 

“Welcome to the shop! Oh! Kotori-chan!”

Kotori can't help the smile that traces her lips when she sees Honoka manning the front. “Good evening! How are things today?” She asks politely, genuinely happy that she gets to see her during such an unexpected time.

Honoka grins and loses all semblance of professionalism that she greeted her with as she locks her elbows and leans forward with all her weight onto her palms planted on the counter. “Boooring! Hey, you brought someone with you! A new fashion school classmate perh—”

Honoka perks up as her words are cut short in her throat. Her brows shoot up and she tilts her head as she eases herself back onto the floor with a thump. She stares dumbly for a second. “Was it… Sonoda Umi?”

Kotori blinks in confusion and looks at Umi questioningly. “Oh… you know Sonoda-san?”

Umi looks down and Kotori can gauge a sense of stress from her the way she shoves her hands in her coat pockets. “Yes. It’s been a long time,” she says in a formal tone that seems as impersonal as it does forced. 

Honoka doesn't seem to notice or mind. “It sure has! Wow! I’m surprised I remember you! You’re so grown up!”

Kotori is utterly confused. Honoka would have mentioned someone like Umi to her in the past, but she can't recall anything about her. And with her and Honoka’s inseparable proximity of each other in their early years, there was no possible way that Kotori didn't know who Umi was at all. 

Nonetheless, Kotori feels a hint of embarrassment as she turns towards Umi and bows her head a bit in apology. “I’m sorry… I must seem extremely rude to have not remembered you as well, Sonoda-san.”

“It’s fine. It’s really not your fault,” Umi confesses in a soft tone and looks back to her, effectively freezing her in place. She goes on so quickly that Kotori doesn't have time to realize that she's suffering from whiplash. “I assume you know what you want? Don't worry about the cost.”

Kotori is lost in the fact that she feels like there is something big she’s missing in the picture here and she's stumped for a moment as she tries to think through it.

“Yeah don't worry at all!” Honoka affirms with a smack of her hands down onto the wood of the front desk, causing Kotori to flinch and snap out of her brief cloud of thought. “It’s on the house!”

“Honokaaa!” A voice whines from inside the building and Kotori has to cover her mouth to hide her laugh as she recognizes the voice as Yukiho’s. “I heard that! It is most definitely NOT on the house! Dad’s gonna get mad again if you keep giving out things for free! We have to pay rent somehow!”

“Just kidding!” Honoka happily clasps her hands together and sticks her tongue out playfully, having no qualms with retracting the offer immediately. 

Kotori giggles into her palm and nods her head. “Well, you know what I would like, Honoka-chan!” She beams and turns to look at Umi. To her surprise, she is staring right back at her with a strange look in her amber eyes. Kotori swears she sees her blush before she steps up and orders herself a manjuu bun. Stunned, Kotori stares at Umi’s back questioningly. 

“Manjuu for Sonoda-chan and melon pan for Kotori-chan!”

Umi pays in exact change for their goods and Kotori promises that she’ll make time to have Honoka over next week so they can binge watch this new drama she’s heard so much about. Honoka flares up in excitement and waves them off enthusiastically. 

They step back into the night air and without saying anything, they start heading in the same direction. 

Kotori musters up some courage in an effort to understand Umi better. “I-I’m sorry. But have we met before, Sonoda-san?” She starts and as she looks to her company, worried that she has offended her earlier in the shop. She didn't have the best memory in the world, after all. 

And then she says the thing that tops the other strange things that Kotori has heard her say.

“Not yet.”

Lost on words, Kotori continues to follow Umi until they're at a park a couple blocks from Homura. It’s a park that is important to her childhood and she feels warm nostalgia filter through her. They sit and Kotori retraces her steps as she tries to pinpoint how exactly it was that this had all happened. Everything felt like it was moving so fast. And for some reason, suddenly the stranger next to her no longer felt like a stranger as they both ate their treats in relative silence. 

“I’m sorry for dragging you along like this.” Umi finally sighs, looking down at her half eaten manjuu sitting in her lap. The cast shadows of the street light behind her frames her in such a mysterious and alluring way that Kotori can’t look elsewhere even if she tries. “It was selfish of me and I wasn't thinking straight. I don't have a clue as of what I’m doing right now.”

Kotori’s heart warms at the sudden honest revelation. She looks down into Umi’s lap and notices that she isn't wearing gloves. The tips of her fingers and bright red from the cold around her manjuu bun. She looks up and is captivated by her face once again. “I don't mind… a bit of spontaneity every once and a while is fun, isn't it?”

Umi smiles dryly and eyes her. “You're too kind. Anyone else would be afraid if someone came up to them, dragged them across town, and took them to a deserted park in the middle of the night.”

When she put it like that, it was a bit sketchy. But Kotori never felt unsafe in any way. As perceptive as she was, she knew that she wasn't signing herself off to danger by accepting Umi’s sudden offer. It was kind of cute, how flustered she got when she had accepted the invitation with a bright smile. 

Kotori laughs without much energy, but the warmness is present. “Truth be told, Sonoda-san… you’ve said the weirdest things I’ve ever heard anyone say to me. I’m curious about you and I can tell you're a bit awkward. You seem anxious. But I want you to know that I don't mind all of that. I love making new friends, after all.” It was true, even if her underlying crush was the main contributing enabler in her getting involved with Umi.

“I-I see… what makes you think I’m anxious?” Umi mumbles, her eyes diverting to the dark sky.

Kotori has to bite on the inside of her bottom lip to lessen the severity of the smile she wants to show. “I can tell you’ve been pretty curt with myself and Honoka-chan and even Takagawa-sensei back at the art studio. I hope I don’t sound mean, but it’s just because you seem very strained when you talk to people you don’t really know. And I think you’re forming a knot in between your eyebrows and your shoulders have got to be hurting from being tensed up like that.”

As she mentions them, Umi idly brings up her fingers to brush at the skin in between her eyes, rustling her bangs a bit. She swallows hard and turns away, her shoulders still clenched up and stiff.

“Yeah! Just like that!” Kotori chuckles and realizes this could be called teasing. 

Umi makes a strangled noise and her back becomes impossibly more straight. She stutters before she shakes her head and finally asks, “... do I really weird you out?”

“Hm?” Kotori smiles and finally turns her attention up to the sky, not needing clarification on the question but not knowing her answer right away. “Um… I don't think so. But I suppose it's a feeling that's lost on me. So I don't think anything can really weird me out.” 

“You think?” Umi breathes softly and Kotori wonders why she seems so amazed. 

Kotori nods and looks down to her lap in content. “Yes. I just learn to accept things how they are because we can't help how our lives end up or what happens, for better or for worse,” she explains as she bolts up to stand after putting her things aside on the bench. She folds her hands behind her back and walks one careful line, her eyes watching the ground with each over-gestured step she makes. “I just make the most of everything, no matter what. That's the way I want to live. With no regrets.”

Kotori spins around and starts to walk backwards towards the playground, smiling gently at Umi while she watches her pointedly. “So that’s why I can't really be weirded out… because isn't that just another way to live life? Why wouldn't I welcome something like that?”

Umi doesn't have anything to say. She watches her with a look she can't decipher fully aside from the fact that it seems to be weighing on her. Kotori tilts her head and slows to a halt as she feels her shoulders press into a flat, plastic surface. She leans back onto the equipment, unable to tear her eyes away from the intense look she is receiving. 

Kotori must have said something serious. She wrings her hands together behind her back and flushes, thankful that most of the lights have gone dark next to the actual playground. 

Then, she sneezes. The sound is more like a squeak than anything else. 

Kotori sniffles and rolls all her weight back onto her heels. She had forgotten that she was coming down with a cold. “Ah… sometimes I forget the bad stuff that's happening to me when I’m doing something very fun. Being sick is a chore, but hopefully it will pass quickly,” she says mostly to herself since she’s unsure of how else to fill the space of silence that has settled between them. 

Umi puts her things aside on the bench and stands. Naturally, Kotori gazes down at the shadow she casts from the light behind her as she approaches. 

Kotori doesn't have time to react as Umi steps right up to her. Umi doesn't look up to meet her curious eyes. She has a strange, worried look on her face and Kotori wonders if she’s remembered something important that she forgot to do. 

“The weather’s been unforgiving lately, so I’m not surprised,” Umi murmurs, eyes switching back and forth between nothing in particular on the floor. “But how did you manage to get sick?” As she speaks, there's a nervous quiver in her voice that Kotori can't source. 

Kotori parts her lips and hesitates for no real reason. “I... accidentally took a bit of a nap on my balcony last night.”

“Is that so…” Umi says, sounding distracted. 

Kotori nods without saying anything and another moment of silence stretches on between them. 

“Can I show you something?” Umi whispers, the puffs of her breath brushing against her eyelashes. Kotori’s heart skips as she feels a timid touch at her shoulder. She looks down at the tentative hand that hovers there. Kotori can't find the words as she takes it in her glove without knowing why. She also takes Umi’s other hand and feels her face burn all the way to her ears. 

When she glances back up to Umi’s face, there is a newfound determination that she now uses to mask her previous discomfort. She’s so much closer than Kotori remembers her being.

“What do you want to show me?” Kotori manages to ask in a barely audible voice, feeling as though her heart is stopped in her throat and she can't breath right. 

Umi swallows and her jaw tightens. Her amber eyes are on fire as she peers into her. “Can I show you?” She repeats simply. Kotori feels curiosity towards the evasive question. She feels captivated. She doesn’t want to say no.

She isn't sure why but she nods her head dazedly, her body too frozen to respond any other way. 

Umi sighs, though the gesture isn't out of relief like Kotori first thinks. She slides closer and leans forward and Kotori’s mind goes blank as she feels the brush of Umi’s cold nose against her own. Umi is watching her lips as their breaths mingle intimately for what feels like hours before everything goes black. 

Kotori jerks awake on her balcony, her heart hammering uncontrollably in her chest as she pants. She looks around at her surroundings and she notices a bowl of freshly prepared rice steaming in her lap, untouched. 

The moon is high in the dark winter sky.


	4. Chapter 4

A dream?

Kotori places her bowl aside in awe and stands, leaning out and over to look down her neighborhood. She squeezes the railing and can feel the cold seeping through her gloves. Her nose and ears aren't quite numb yet, so she couldn't have been outside for very long. 

How could she have dreamed something like that in such a short amount of time?

She takes her things inside, her heart still racing, and goes into her small bedroom, flustered. 

Leaning against the wall is her piece from last Wednesday, the first drawing she did of Umi. She fumbles for her phone in her pocket and checks the date. She stares for a long while and doesn't quite understand. Tomorrow is Wednesday and that's when her figure drawing class is. 

It must have been a dream. There was no other explanation. But it felt so real. 

Kotori eats dinner in a daze, takes a warm bath, and rolls out her futon. When she settles down, she finds herself staring up at the ceiling. She manages to doze off after an hour of debating whether or not she was going crazy. 

\--

It’s eerie, how much her walk to class gives her dejavu. 

When she sits in her first lecture, she’s confused over the fact that her professor’s outfit is slightly different than it was yesterday—today? 

The lesson plans are the exact same as she remembers them being, with some very minor adjustments to how things are said aloud, strangely enough. She ends up writing down her professor’s lectures word for word and tries to decipher what she has heard before and what is slightly different. 

Such a vivid dream _could_ be true to life. Her schedule remains much the same throughout the week, so she thinks she could dream up possible situations like this without it being too strange. She tries to convince herself of that throughout the day. 

The sun falls in the sky and night arrives early, as it always does in winter. She scuttles quickly down the sidewalk towards her night drawing class, blood roaring in her ears. She stops in front of the studio doors, panting as she looks inside. It’s a bit earlier than she had gotten here before (it's less confusing to call that time “before”, she realized), so the patrons are just barely filing in and preparing for tonight’s session. 

As she is engrossed in the scene, she feels someone pinch her side and she jumps up three feet out of her skin and shrieks. “T-Toujou-san!” She whines and whips around, looking like a deer caught in the headlights as she pulls up her art portfolio in front of her defensively.

“Oh! You knew it was me? Good evening!” Nozomi beams, though the hand in front of her mouth hides a majority of her guilty grin.

Kotori wants to ask who else would do something like that to her but she just sighs and tries to calm her nerves. “Good… evening,” she musters. 

“Why are you here so early?” Nozomi smirks and offers the door for her. 

Kotori can't help the bit of color that burns at her cheeks as she steps in with a small “thank you”. “A-ah, no reason! I just, um…”

“Excuse me.”

Kotori swallows a yelp and spins around, nearly dropping all of her things. Her and Nozomi are standing in the front of the doorway and none other than Sonoda Umi is trying to get through. Kotori tumbles and feels her back press flush against the wall as she tries to flatten herself into wallpaper, gaping all the while at Umi as she walks by. 

Umi spares her a quick look as she passes. “Do your best, ladies. I look forward to seeing your work,” she says rigidly to the both of them and disappears into the bathroom at the end of the hall. 

Kotori continues to gape after her and Nozomi slides up with a smug look on her face. 

“You’re so jumpy! But I guess I see how it is...” Nozomi gushes in a sing song, knowing she's hit the nail right on the head. 

“You know her, don't you?!” Kotori blurts, suddenly upon Nozomi with the question. 

Nozomi’s brows shoot up and she takes a half step back as Kotori eagerly leans towards her. “Hm? No, I don't know her. Why, is she famous?”

Kotori stares and tries to make sense out of everything, but she's running so many blanks, she doesn't even know how to do anything but breathe in that moment. Nozomi didn't go to the session last week but this week she knew Umi’s name. Well… she used to know Umi by name. 

Kotori blanches as she realizes that she might have dreamt up Umi’s name. She feels like she's _really_ losing her mind. She decides there and then that she just needs to stop trying to equate her dreams to reality because so far, it's only serving her a headache. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Nozomi bends down a bit in concern to catch her eyes, which have grown distant with thought. Kotori sighs and nods her head. She just needs to stop worrying about all of this. 

“Yes, I’m fine… sorry. W-we should go find a seat, yeah?”

Nozomi hums, suspicious, but doesn't pry as they head into the main studio room. 

\--

The session doesn't provide any sort of distraction or relief from her chasing her own thoughts. It also doesn't help that Umi meets her eyes almost every time Kotori peeks up from her canvas at her. She never really gets used to it, but she stops jumping and squeaking in surprise eventually. 

Nozomi seems to be eating her discomfort up. “My, I’ve never seen you this fidgety,” she smirks. “Did something good happen between you two?”

Kotori whines under her breath but knows she can't ever really talk around Nozomi. “Something? I guess… Good? I suppose so…” It was a good thing in the end, wasn't it? She wasn't coming down with a cold anymore because of what might or might not have happened this night. 

“Oh~! I see, I see. Young love is truly something to marvel at, don't you think?” Nozomi whispers, the smile on her voice audible as she studies her canvas and adds a few finishing marks. 

“H-hey! You’re still pretty young yourself, you know!” Kotori returns, feeling her face begin to burn up. There was no point in saying that that wasn't really the case—she couldn't possibly love Umi and she knows that for herself. If she gets defensive and tries to deny it, then the teasing would only get worse. She knows Nozomi’s game by now and she doesn’t want to play herself.

“Compared to you, my love life is ancient,” Nozomi sighs wistfully as she holds up her hand and shows off her silver engagement band shamelessly. 

Kotori allows herself a small smile. “I know, I know… Ayase-san is a lucky woman. If I ever need someone wiser to consult about that sort of thing, I’ll let you know.”

“Really~? I anxiously await to give you guidance! I specialize in this sort of thing, you know?” Nozomi says cheerfully as she begins packing away her things. 

Kotori blinks as she realizes that the hours of the session have flown by so fast if it was time to pack up already. She fumbles as she places her pencils in her pouch. One of them clatters and rolls onto the floor before stopping in front of a pair of slippers. An apology is half way out of Kotori’s lips as she watches delicate fingers close around one end of the pencil and she falls quiet. 

Royal blue hairs falls in waves over her shoulder as Umi stands and readjusts her robe before tucking a hand underneath her arm and she meekly holds out the pencil.

Stunned, Kotori takes it without a word and lowers it into her lap. She hears a snicker of laughter from Nozomi behind her shoulder and that serves to sober her up as she clears her throat and stands with a polite bow. 

“Th-thank you, um…” Kotori halts her words. She still wasn't sure if she really knew if Sonoda Umi was her name. And how could she explain otherwise how she had learned what her name was if Umi was surprised by that?

“It’s fine,” Umi replies softly with a slight bow of her own. Her arms cross loosely in front of her and she can't seem to keep her eyes. She looks as though she’s about to say something else but she looks down at Kotori’s canvas and her lips are stopped. 

Kotori takes a moment to really look over her work, as well. It looks as distracted as she had felt during the session—a bit undefined and generally unfinished around the edges. It wasn't her best by far, but the technique and hard work was unmistakable. 

With Umi’s eyes pointed at her nearly the whole time, that is what Kotori had to capture. The look is intense—she has such a serious, dire expression. It seems effortless for her to appear so breathtaking and three dimensional on paper. That was just the kind of presence Umi had and Kotori was glad that she could at least show that through her work. 

“I-is it Sonoda-san?” Kotori asks in a small voice, having finally gathered the courage to turn back towards Umi, who was still eyeing the canvas.

Umi carefully brings her amber gaze to her, her brows pulled into her usual furrow. “Yes.”

The relief is staggering but short lived. There was no explanation as of how she knew her by name, but Umi didn't seem too bothered by the recognition. 

“U-um, I’ve enjoyed being able to draw you. Will you be with us here for very much longer?” She inquires with a gentle smile, finding it was easiest to gather something casual to talk about. Since models were paid per session without a schedule or contract, Kotori saw many people weave in and out of the offer for quick cash without much thought. 

“I’m not sure…” Umi answers vaguely and Kotori nods in understanding. 

“It’s quite an embarrassing job, isn't it? You’re very brave for doing this. I don't think I could ever be nude in front of other people, even if it is for art.”

Umi shifts where she stands. Kotori feels her breath catch at the blush that she sees color redden Umi’s cheeks as she speaks. “It… is embarrassing, yes…”

Immediately, Kotori feels the need to comfort her. She blurts out, “B-but I appreciate it! I-I mean! I am grateful for the practice I get out of it! You have to learn some how and the fact that you would so selflessly give your time like this even if it makes you uncomfortable is very admirable! S-so thank you very much…”

Umi nods once, shying away a bit. “Thank you for your kind words,” she replies with a degree of strain in her voice and bows her head politely as she begins to turn away. “Please excuse me.”

Kotori can't help but to feel like she's walking away for good this time around, no matter how unreasonable the thought is. She wants to say something. Has to. 

“I-I do like manjuu," she calls after her, shrinking back as she screws her eyes shut and mentally scolds herself. _Dummy! Why that, of all things?!_

Thankfully, Umi halts mid-turn. One of Kotori’s palms flies to cover her mouth and she parts one caramel eye timidly. 

Umi’s head angles away from her and Kotori thinks she might just continue on her way until she hears her mutter, “... melon pan has always been a close second for me.” 

And then she’s gone.

Kotori drops the pencil she forgot she had back onto the floor at the grip that becomes lax at her side.


	5. Chapter 5

Kotori waits outside in the cold, keeping Nozomi company as she waits for her fiancée to get off of work and pick her up. 

Initially, Nozomi is all jabs and poking fun at her, but the playfulness eases off as she easily seems to gather that something is bothering her. She doesn't see Nozomi often, but it is a bit scary how well she's able to peek into her person for how she really is with what little time she does spend with her. 

Kotori is a positive person. She’s all smiles and hope and hard work. Rarely is she ever caught in a slump, but when she is, even the valley she is caught in doesn't seem so deep and she could see the horizon of change ahead, so she isn't really kept down much or for long. So she keeps this sort of thing hidden and to herself. Even more so over the fact that this isn't anything to really be upset about, but she is currently facing a fact of reality that something isn't right about Sonoda Umi and that fact being that she was considering the possibility of supernatural happenings that makes her question everything she's ever known. But there's no way. There just has to be a more rational explanation. 

“Hey… Toujou-san?” Kotori asks softly. She watches the fog of her breath disperse into nothing as she grips tightly onto the strap of her portfolio hanging in front of her. 

“You can call me Nozomi, you know.”

Kotori hesitates at the casualness of the statement. “Nozomi-san.”

Nozomi chuckles good naturedly. “Yes?”

She isn't sure why she wants to ask, but she feels like she can’t go on without at least trying to delve into the strangeness that was the today of before. But she couldn’t just ask what she thought of possible time travel. She figures she should test the waters with a hypothetical question to introduce such a strange concept. “If you got the chance to go back and fix your past mistakes, do you think you’d be better off?”

When she chances a look over at Nozomi, who hums in thought and falls quiet, she’s surprised to see that the question has sunk a lot deeper on her mind than Kotori meant it to. She must have really been taking the inquiry to heart. Maybe Nozomi likes this sort of thing.

“The chance to go back,” Nozomi repeats gently to herself, one of her fingers idly tapping her chin in thought. “Who wouldn’t want the chance to fix their mistakes? You could be better off, in theory.”

“In theory?” Kotori pries, wanting her to elaborate.

But there isn’t much room for Nozomi to expand on the lingering thought before a gray sedan pulls up to the side of the road that catches her eye. She perks up and reaches down to grab her things. “That’s me!” Nozomi says as she starts towards the car and calls over her shoulder. “Hey, do you mind if I call you Kotori-chan?”

“I wouldn’t mind at all!” Kotori beams after her. She really does like Nozomi and she’s glad that she’s able to take a step towards befriending her more formally.

As Nozomi is pulling open the front passenger door, she grins cheekily and waves a hand out to her. “I’ll try and be around for the session next week. You still work at that maid cafe in Akihabara, don’t you?”

“I do! Please come by if you have the chance!” Kotori says back with a smile and bows. 

Kotori loses sight of the vehicle as it turns a corner down the street and she continues to stare off at it as she tries to begin to prepare herself for what was to follow. She waits outside the studio, leaning against the concrete wall. She scrunches up her shoulders and keeps her arms and legs tucked close together as the cold begins to seep through her clothes, her eyes downcast as she counts the shadows of pedestrians that pass by, trying to distract her turning thoughts.

The studio’s lights shut off from inside and the instructor steps out with Umi in tow. They are engaged in a conversation that sounds pretty one-sided—something about Mt. Fuji and the surrounding area and a family day trip from Takagawa-sensei. As Umi casually looks around at her surroundings, she almost instantly catches sight of Kotori and she feels the pattering of her heart pick up at the simple gesture. Her amber eyes widen as she shoulders her bag nervously.

Kotori leans off of the wall quietly and finds that her limbs have gotten pretty stiff. She has been waiting for quite a while, she realizes. She briefly considers trying to slip away to try and avoid the embarrassment of being left out here unattended waiting for someone who didn’t know they were being waited on but she thinks it’ll look worse if Umi or her instructor see her scampering away down the street by herself after finally have being roused by their appearance.

Umi says goodnight to the elderly woman and thanks her for her patronage. They split to opposite directions and Umi briefly eyes her before she nods in acknowledgement to her. She begins to make her way down the sidewalk and Kotori slips next to her and falls into step with her meekly. Umi’s amber eyes dart forward and Kotori could see her knuckles are white from holding onto her bag so tightly.

“Um… h-have I introduced myself?” Kotori starts, flinching at how suddenly loud her voice sounds.

Umi swallows and tries to seem preoccupied with checking her wristwatch, perhaps stalling.

Kotori can’t help but to be amused at how awkward she was, all things considered. “I’m Minami—”

“—Kotori,” Umi interrupts, her expression unreadable. She clenches her hand and lowers her watch, shaking her head slightly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to refer to you so casually... “ She sighs and looks back ahead. “Minami Kotori. I know who you are.”

Kotori can’t mask her next question for the life of her. “How?”

“We… we must have met before. Isn't that the only logical thing to assume?” Umi says back, her words guarded. 

“I suppose…” Kotori trails off as she loses her backbone. Could she have been mistaken all along about what had happened? She measures up Umi, confused as she starts to distance herself from her side. Umi is incredibly closed off. Kotori figures that she must have been annoying her. A pit of hurt settles in her stomach. 

“I apologize for being a bother. I’ll be going now,” Kotori musters, unable to really cover her disappointment as she bows her head and turns away. 

“W-wait.”

Kotori curses how her curiosity stops her feet right away. She looks back over her shoulder at Umi, who has also stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and is looking at her with a guilty curve in her brows. 

“I-I should be the one apologizing… weren’t you waiting for me outside the studio?” Umi asks in a careful voice that Kotori strains to hear. 

“N-no, I wasn't waiting as much as I was just… um...”

Umi presses her lips together and shuffles where she stands back and forth on the soles of her shoes a couple times. “No matter… I had a feeling you were waiting and I still didn't come out any earlier. I was trying to avoid you. I hope you’ll forgive me and my awful manners.”

Kotori doesn't know how to deflect from her words so she just nods slowly and begins to bite the inside of her bottom lip. 

“I was raised better, but my better nature has been lost on me,” Umi adds.

“Wh-why would you be avoiding me?” Kotori asks, her gaze falling to the ground.

Umi doesn't respond for a stretch of time.

Kotori swallows and peeks up at her through her lashes, finding Umi scrutinizing her quietly as though she were searching for something that could be understood just by looking. Kotori blushes, embarrassed over the attention. 

Then.

“I did something regretful to you and thought it would be easier to just ignore you, but when I say it out loud like that, I can't help but to think of how much of a horrible woman I am.”

“You’re not horrible, Sonoda-san… horrible people don't admit that they’ve done regretful things,” Kotori says as she takes a shy step towards her, well aware that she's talking around her main concern but she is scared of bringing it up outright in fear that Umi might withdraw and start dodging her again if she pushes too quickly. 

“I’m not being fair… but you… scare me, Minami-san.”

Kotori’s eyes widen in surprise as Umi dodges her gaze and purses her lips. “Why do I scare you?” She whispers, sure that her voice is lost to the gentle breeze that runs past her cheeks. 

Umi replies in earnest. “Because you don't seem real.”

“I don't understand,” she manages in a small voice, worried that she has made herself out to be detestable in one way or another. She tries to incorporate a bit of humor as a way of defense to mask that worry, though she knows it falls flat. “I think that should be my line…”

“That’s why I’m even more horrible… I’m making this about me even though I’ve done something to you that could never be ignored. It was reckless of me. I don't know why I did it out of any other reason than disgusting spite.”

 _Spite?_ Kotori thinks. A cold feeling of fear sweeps through her and she shivers. She is positive she's done something to make Umi angry with her, now. “W-What did you do, exactly?”

Umi pauses as a few lone figures pass by, her eyes never leaving hers. Those sharp ambers are hard and pin her in place. She couldn't run even if she wants to—which she sort of does. 

The words that finally come forth are delicate as a hint of sadness clouds over the hardness of Umi’s eyes. 

“I kissed you.”


	6. Chapter 6

The street light overhead dims. As Kotori stands and stares thoughtlessly, cars pass by undisturbed. A man walks past, not sparing a second look towards the two women standing in the middle of the sidewalk looking at each other, still as statues.

Kotori almost completely forgot what had happened before. Her fingers curl reflexively as she remembers what it was like for Umi’s cold hands to grasp her own. The hammering of her heart in her chest had felt so real. She’s never had anyone so close to her as to have their breaths mingle like that. But she doesn’t remember an actual kiss. But what does she really know at this point?

Umi has just admitted to the fact that she kissed her before though it was to happen on this night and it hasn’t actually happened yet, when it was put into perspective. This was only the second time they should have ever met but Umi didn’t deny the existence of a third time.

Kotori was so confused. She doesn’t know where to start. She stumbles back a step, feeling her chest grow tight and heavy as she tries to make sense of this all. 

Umi doesn’t make a move. She watches her with that same sad expression. It doesn't settle well with her. She parts her lips to speak, but Kotori beats her to it.

“Who are you?” she asks adamantly. 

The inquiry causes Umi’s eyes to flinch subtly. “Sonoda Umi.”

Kotori presses. “What really happened then?”

“What happened was a mistake,” Umi murmurs.

The corners of Kotori’s eyes burn as her frustration trickles through. She needs to be more thorough, but she feels as though she’s losing her will. “What are you?”

“Human.”

Kotori laughs under her breath in disbelief. It’s a horrible feeling. A knot forms in her throat and she tries to swallow past it. “Why…?” It’s her most purposeless question yet, no goals or gains to be had out of it because she doesn’t know what she wants to ask anymore, but it receives the most meaningful answer.

“Because for some reason after all this time, I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I thought that if it was with someone like you, then something could change. It’s like you can see something about me that others can’t and I feel like if I ignored you, then I would really be damning myself. But it’s just selfish of me to drag someone into my life in the manner that I did to you. So I have made a mistake.”

The words sit and soak as Kotori tries to extract concrete meaning from the heavy words. “We’re not talking about a kiss anymore.”

Umi stiffens and her chest heaves as she takes a deep breath in and exhales out slowly. Her lips pull into a humorless smile. “No, we’re not.”

“I want to know more,” Kotori spills, not able to control her sudden words as she steps forward with conviction.

Umi hesitates and looks over her face slowly. “How could you say that when I’ve brought you to tears?”

Kotori feels as though she’s been slapped. She reaches up to one of the wet trails that has cooled down her face and she looks at the dab of moisture on the fingertips of her gloves. 

“I’ve hurt you and I don’t even know you,” Umi says, bitter and self-loathing.

“Then you’ll just have to make it up to me.” Kotori says as she wipes her face, feeling a little guilty for using her tears to her advantage. Sometimes she just cries for no real reason and that’s alright. “I want to know what happened and how… I have no right to ask, but please don't push me away. I’ve never met anyone like you.”

Umi stares, the wall that keeps her face hard wavering as she weighs the proposition. “I’ve never met anyone like _you_ ,” she says weakly back. 

Kotori can't help the flutter that tickles her heart. What was so special about _her_? She's as normal as normal got. And for some reason, she doesn't think Umi gives compliments just to give compliments. She tries to hide the redness in her cheeks by angling the other way. 

“Sonoda-san… can we talk more over tea?” She tries, her hands going to tighten around the handle of her portfolio that suddenly doesn't weigh anything. 

“Yes… I think that sounds fine.”

\--

It might not be the messiest place in the world, but Kotori is still embarrassed to have a guest over when it looks like her apartment is moderately lived in and not model home perfect like she pictures her dream house to be. But she’ll make do. It wasn't the worst thing in the world. 

At least that's what she tries to tell herself to busy her frantically turning mind as she babies a tea kettle that she knows will just make a whistling noise when it's ready. She’s nervous and she has a million reasons to be. 

Just over the island of her small and modest kitchen, Umi sits with her back towards her, looking out at the display of fabrics she has stocked against the wall. As Kotori peaks over the edge of the counter and stares at Umi’s back, her eyes start following the nuances of her figure. Her shoulders were lean but looked strong. Her hair is long and goes about halfway down her back and Kotori thinks it just might be her new favorite shade of blue. The subtle rises and falls of her shoulders as she breathes is clockwork that Kotori marvels at though it is such a simple gesture.

When Umi’s eyes traces along the room, Kotori admires her profile when it comes into view and the way her lashes flutter with every blink, batting her cheeks noiselessly. She wishes she could have such a womanly, mature face like that. But she knows she much prefers these features on someone she can stare at for hours without getting tired of it. 

She is itching to draw, she realizes. She wonders if Umi would ever consider continuing to model for her. She blushes at the thought. Umi, modeling for her and only her. She was getting so far in over her head. What a silly fantasy to have. 

“You have a lovely home,” Umi finally comments. Kotori ducks down and starts to pull out her various tea blends as she remembers that making tea doesn't just involve boiling water. 

“Thank you very much. I'm lucky to be here. My landlady is a kind woman and she knows my mother, so I’m able to get a very reasonable offer to stay here,” Kotori chats, wondering if these facts about her sounded as boring as she thought they did. 

“I see… you’re into designing clothes, so you do need a space like this to work. Have you always been interested in fashion?” Umi carries on and Kotori couldn't be more thankful that they had found something to start talking about. 

“I’ve always sort of been good at it. I learned to sew when I was very young and I got a lot of work throughout high school making costumes for the drama club and other classes for school festival events. I guess it was obvious that I wanted to do it by the time I was looking for colleges.” Kotori is positive that sounded _really_ boring. 

But Umi hums gently in acknowledgement, unperturbed by the awful trivia. “So it’s important for you to understand the human form very well in order to make clothes.”

Kotori nods, though she knows Umi isn't looking at her. “Yes, that's why I’m taking that drawing class…” Kotori trails off. She wants to talk about Umi. “Say, what kind of tea do you like? I have almost every flavor you could think of.”

“Green tea is fine, if you would please.”

Kotori already has some of the leaves in one individual strainer that she was going to make her own and blend with other flavors but she decides to just make them both the same and add them to the pot instead. The pot begins to whistle and she clicks off the gas lit stove. She drops the strainer in and her eyes flinch at the metallic click it makes when it hits the bottom of the pot. 

Umi has gone still, staring off into the board of magazine clippings she has. 

As Kotori is looking to see how she’s doing, she squeaks and jumps away from the pot. Umi jumps up at the sound and turns around to her worriedly. 

“Wh-what happened? Are you alright?”

Kotori looks down to her hand and twists her wrist to inspect the burn she has just received. “I wasn't being careful and touched the side of the pot. It’s just a little burn! I’m so clumsy…” She tries to play it off as moves over to the sink and starts running cold water over the reddening, hurt skin. One eye screws closed at the initial contact but then the relief is immediate. 

To her surprise, Umi stands and rounds the island purposefully, her face contorted in concern. Kotori watches her, blinking as she nears and she naturally shies away half a step. “What are you…?”

Umi reaches out for her and when Kotori next blinks, she’s facing the tea kettle dropping in the strainer. Her eyes flinch as the strainer hits the bottom of the pot with a metallic click. She looks around at how everything was just a minute before and dumbly looks down at her hand. The burn is nowhere to be seen. 

And then she stumbles back until her shoulder blades hit the fridge. 

“I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” Umi turns from the table and bolts up, bowing deeply towards her. “I-I should have said something, I just panicked…”

Kotori claps a hand over her mouth and stares wide-eyed at Umi. The quiet that stills the room sits for a long while. Umi doesn't move from her bowed position. 

Kotori's hand drops from her mouth and she presses into her collarbone. “Did you…do that?” She manages, her lips barely moving. 

“Yes. I apologize sincerely. I wanted more time to explain, but this is all my fault to begin with and I didn't know what else to do. I’ve never really told anyone before so I have no idea how to—”

“Sonoda-san.”

Umi pauses and glances up, her brows pulled into a worried furrow and her amber eyes wide. She looks shaken like a child afraid to be lectured. 

Kotori smiles. “Thank you…”


	7. Chapter 7

Kotori leans forward and offers out a cup of sugar cubes towards Umi and she silently thanks her before dropping one in her tea and mixing it slowly. Kotori is unable to stop watching her, every one of her movements interesting like they were being done for the first time by any human being.

Umi stares holes into her table and hunches over her cup of tea and Kotori realizes that she must be making her uncomfortable. She reluctantly settles back onto her legs folded underneath her and takes an interest in her own cup of tea. “Sorry…” she murmurs. 

“It’s okay… I’m sure you have a lot of questions…” Umi says back into her tea and takes a sip. 

“Yes…” Kotori replies, not wanting to press any more than what Umi was comfortable with. 

Umi clears her throat and places her cup in front of her. “I’ll do my best to answer what I can.”

“Ah… okay. What exactly is it that you can do?” It's a simple question but Kotori can't wrap her mind around the idea that someone could have the ability to perform—

“Time travel,” Umi says without missing a beat. 

Kotori wasn't expecting such a straightforward answer and she would have been a total skeptic had she not experienced it for herself. “I see… but… how?”

“I couldn't tell you how. Just that I can,” she says honestly. “I’ve been doing it since I was in middle school.”

A middle schooler with these sorts of abilities… Kotori couldn't imagine how that would have changed her as a person. “So you can go back in time. What about forward?”

“Only to as far as I’ve lived.”

Kotori gapes as she realizes what this could mean. “H-how old are you, then?”

Umi laughs dryly and turns her teacup in her hands thoughtfully. “I don't know. Physically, I’m 23 years old right now. But with how many times I’ve gone back, it probably adds up to more than triple that.”

“Why?” Kotori breaths, trying to process the new information in one sweep without feeling overwhelmed. 

There's a lag in Umi’s response. She parts her lips and falters for a second before she speaks. “I-I don't think I’m able to easily explain that.”

“I’m sorry… that must be pretty personal. I didn't mean for it to sound… like how it sounded,” Kotori says and Umi shakes her head and says it’s alright. 

Kotori takes a step back as she tries to figure out what to ask next. “So you retain your memories from every time you go forward and back?”

“Yes,” Umi affirms and takes another sip of her tea.

Kotori can't grasp what that feels like. "And you can take someone with you...?"

Umi swallows and nods. "I have to be touching someone while I jump to take them back. I've figured that out on accident..."

"Is that how it is..." There are so many questions, Kotori doesn't know if she could properly get them all through. "If you went back in time now and I was still sitting here, what would happen?”

“That’s where things get very complicated.” Umi straightens up into her words like she was expecting a question like this. “I did just that when I first talked to you outside of the studio.”

Kotori feels her jaw drop. No way...

Umi continues to explain. “I went back out of curiosity to find somewhere to go with you… it took a couple days for me to find much, but we used to live relatively close so that helped. I accidentally ran into Kousaka-san, so that's why she knew me at the shop. She is very personable and has a sharp memory. It’s true that I can go back for something as trivial as that.”

Another pause settles between them and Umi takes another small sip of her tea. Kotori continues to stare. 

Another minute passes by and Umi is remarkably patient with her. 

But then Kotori curls forward and starts to giggle. At first, it’s a way to itch the tickle in her stomach. Then it takes over and snowballs quickly into a full-blown fit. 

Whenever she looks up to Umi’s confused expression, the laughter gets worse. Umi hides her mouth behind her tea cup and her brows adapt their usual furrow. 

Kotori gasps to try and catch her breath and covers her mouth, red all the way to her ears, trying to reel in her senses. “I’m sorry! I’m so sorry, Sonoda-san! This is just so weird!” She manages through small handfuls of giggles. 

“Oh. Is that all?”

Kotori clamps her mouth shut hard and has to tense up every muscle in her body to prevent herself from blurting out in more laughter. She feels really bad. She knows Umi is nervously watching her. She wipes away the moisture that has gathered at the corners of her eyes and takes in a big gulp of air before sighing good naturedly. “It’s remarkably cute that you did that for me. Because you could have just asked, but you're just that awkward and it's very endearing.”

Umi flushes and places her cup on the table in front of her. “... I have spilled my tea in my lap right here before, so this is me saying I’ve returned from a time that doesn't exist anymore and I’m glad I don't have to experience that embarrassment any longer.”

Kotori can't help the next fit of laughter from breaching the floodgates even if her life depended on it. “S-So-Sonoda-san! You don't have to do that around me! Just be yourself! I wouldn't mind if you did anything like that! We all make mistakes!”

“I just… I… okay. I’ll curve the jumping a bit.” Umi mutters, a hint of a smile tracing her lips. 

Kotori rides out the remaining giggles she has pent up. “Whew! You're going to be the death of me, Sonoda-san… time travel, huh? It’s so unbelievably confusing! So there is a future that already exists that you've been to?”

Umi has a dazed look that she shakes herself out of. “Um… yes, up to my 24th birthday. But it changes.”

“Things change every time you go back?” Kotori tries to clarify. 

“Yes. There are small things that change and sometimes big events happen that are present at one time but disappear when I walk that time again. But people don't really change. There is a framework I believe everyone operates in that can't be helped so some things stay true from each time,” she explains as she reaches forward and grabs another sugar cube between her index finger and thumb. 

Kotori thinks she can grasp that. When she went back to Tuesday night, things were similar the next day, but not exactly the same. 

Umi pops the sugar cube into her mouth and flinches, making a disgusted face as she chews. Kotori bites her bottom lip to suppress her smile. 

If she didn't like the taste… “Why did you…?”

Umi gulps and looks away. “I forgot I wasn't going to time jump anymore so I did something stupid with the intention of you never knowing I did it…”

Kotori's head hits her table as she just lays down and laughs. She swears she hears Umi laugh with her, but it’s disguised as a cough and Kotori isn't so sure anymore. She sits up, having to hide her face in her hands because she feels so silly right now and Umi is probably annoyed that she’s so giggly. But Umi is just so cute!

“Aaah, my tummy hurts,” Kotori sighs and drops her hands from her face and folds them on the table in front of her. 

“Sick?” Umi blinks. 

Kotori gives one gust of laughter. “No, silly. You’re very funny. It’s a happy pain.”

“Oh,” Umi whispers. Kotori sees her try to hide her smile behind her teacup a moment too late and her heart warms. 

Umi said she had never shared these things about with anyone and the fact that she knows now humbles her to no end. The responsibility of knowing such a thing has presented itself, as well. She wonders what the future has in store for the both of them. 

“Sonoda-san… you said before that I see something in you that others don't see… that something might change… what exactly did you mean by all of that?” She asks towards her as she leans down onto her forearms and captures her nearly forgotten teacup in between her hands. It’s warm. 

Umi hesitates. She finishes the rest of her tea and her empty cup clatters gently down onto the table. She goes still, parts her lips, and barely tilts her cup to look down into it. “Your art…” she says. 

It’s vague, but Kotori thinks she has an inkling of what Umi means. But she doesn't know what about her art could have ever made Umi come to the decisions that has led her to her apartment. “When I draw you, what is it that you’re seeing? I know it's there and no one else seems to capture it, but I don't have a name for it. When I draw you, it’s—”

“Loneliness," Umi replies simply, her cup clanking softly back onto the table. 

Kotori feels her world stop. She looks to Umi’s face, her amber eyes downcast as she keeps a wall up around her emotions—a thin wall. It’s so paper thin that Kotori thinks that Umi wants her to tear it down. 

But Kotori isn't a hero. She isn't a savior. She’s a normal woman with a normal life and she doesn't think she’s capable of something grand like that. But she knows she has to do something. She wants to do something. Perhaps they were for more selfish reasons than not but Umi was a good person. She could see that much. No one ever deserves to feel the way she does, especially not good people. 

“It’s just that…” Umi starts, an audible swallow sounding from her as she tries to find the words. Kotori wants to tell her she doesn't have to talk so badly but she can't say anything past the knot in her throat. “I’ve been doing this for so long… going back and forth. When I got caught up in that class and I saw that first piece you did of me, I realized that I’ve been avoiding that part of me, pretending like it didn't exist. Seeing it so displayed like that was invasive. Like it was obvious I felt that way… but it wasn't. It’s just you, Minami-san. And if that isn't something to hold onto, then I don't know what is.”

Kotori pushes her cup of tea away and shifts over on her knees closer to Umi’s side until she's able to reach out and places a hand comfortingly over her own. Umi flinches subtly and her hands tighten against the porcelain of her cup. “And that’s what scares you, isn't it?”

Umi’s eyes slowly turn to meet her own. There's a look there that encourages her to go on and she smiles warmly. 

“Me, I mean. You’re afraid I’ll see the woman you’ve been hiding away from, problems and all, and then I’ll abandon you after you've finally found the courage to bring someone into your world. But I don't care about that… I just want to know you for who you want to be. So please. If you’ll have me,” Kotori says, patient as Umi looks back at her in growing surprise. Umi’s fear is understandable. 

She hopes she doesn't think that her figuring out all of this meant her problems were predictable or trivial. Kotori was just really good at this sort of thing—finding other people's ailments and giving advice. 

“You're… no one is like that,” Umi whispers.

Kotori doesn't say anything. She just smiles sheepishly. She doesn't look down at the hand that has loosened around the cup and is turning over beneath her fingers.

Umi’s voice continues to lose its strength as she speaks. “No one is as accepting and compassionate as you are to a complete stranger. I couldn't have been more sloppy with how I dragged you into all of this but you’re fine with it. Why?”

She feels her smile lessen a bit as she gazes into Umi’s conflicted amber eyes. For just a second, she finds that she looks to Umi’s lips and catches herself easily enough to continue bringing her eyes downwards towards their hands to cover it up. Kotori had her own selfish reasons. 

But really, “I’m a strong believer in things happening for a reason. If this is what's in store for me next in life, then I gladly accept it. There isn't much more to it.” Much. Kotori muses mentally about crushes and how silly they were and what they did to her rationale. 

“Things happening for a reason,” Umi repeats and Kotori peaks back up at her. 

Kotori grins. “You know, Sonoda-san…?”

The curious look she receives is enough for her to go on.

“You owe me my first kiss, since you technically took it away,” she teases. It’s only her that doesn't remember an actual kiss but she thinks it's funny anyway.

It takes Umi a second before the shock hits her. It’s a cute reaction and Kotori gives a full smile in satisfaction. She’s about to drop a fat and playful “just kidding!” when the words catch in her throat as she watches Umi’s expression shift to something calculated. There is something alluring and attractive about it and Kotori doesn't think she could find words past how loud her heart begins to thrum in her ears. 

Kotori’s smile completely melts off as Umi leans over, her fingers slipping away from underneath hers. Umi plants a hand on the floor at her side, her face closing in so quickly with iron determination. Umi’s eyes hone in onto her lips and Kotori feels her entire body freeze on the inside and everywhere else burn hotter than the sun. 

Tender fingers brush her cheek and she’s barely breathing. She can't close her eyes as Umi does when her lips finally brush hers—contemplative and shy—because her mind lags as she realizes what she has just unintentionally yet happily signed herself onto. The sensation of her perfect lips sparks soft static that disturbs the hairs on the back of her neck and she feels goosebumps crawl up her arms. Kotori can't even remember how to function—how to blink or breathe. 

Umi draws back a breath’s length and looks at her, her heavily lidded eyes a hint confused and a tad fearful for having pushed too far. Kotori forgot to kiss back, after all. 

But she won’t forget again. Kotori pushes away the table from her side and she stands up on her knees. Umi’s chin angles up and her hand slips off of her cheek and falls to rest at her waist. Her amber eyes cloud over and she switches from watching her lips to her expression. 

Kotori runs her hands through Umi’s hair, her motions feeling clunky and slow and graceless. She hovers over Umi’s mouth, her heart pattering in her chest and in her throat and in her ears. She feels Umi’s breath has picked up as she stares at her expectantly, her face flushing beautifully, and Kotori’s mouth runs dry. 

She’s so pretty. The way Umi looks at her can't be real. No one reserves looks of longing like that for her. 

Their lips connect firmly and Kotori’s fingers flex, tangling into a sea of blue. She can feel the presence of her teeth behind her lips as she presses, her mind fuzzy as she moves clumsily against her responsive lips. She’s so inexperienced, it must feel like kissing a child. 

She’s never kissed anyone before. The feeling is light and airy and she feels tingles all the way down her spine. Her face doesn't stop burning and it's so easy for her to lose her breath the way Umi moves so hypnotizingly against her, teaching her in easy strokes that she adapts and imitates with eager coaxes of her careful lips.

But Kotori isn't sure she wants careful. Her inside turn with thick desire as she lazily rakes her hands through Umi’s hair, relishing in its softness. A vibration of a moan tickles her mouth and Kotori drinks it up greedily, her stomach twisting in excitement and her cheeks on fire.

Kotori knows she's kissing someone mature. Umi smells like mint and her lips are soft like summer waves. Something twinges in her gut as Umi’s mouth parts and she is easily enveloped deeper into the kiss, wanting to get lost in it as Umi begins to lead and pours in a surprising amount of vigor that she can only sigh into. The gentle brush of tongue against her bottom lip escalates the kiss from a simmer to a rolling boil. 

It takes just a small shift of her weight and Kotori is leaning with her body flush against her, her arms snaking around her shoulders. The hand at her waist circles her and Kotori presses closer as she dedicates mind and soul to this dizzyingly addictive dance they perform between their mouths that she doesn't want to end. 

Kotori feels unbelievably hot. The hand that is gripping her waist tightens possessively and she hums at the faint prick of fingernails through her clothes. She’s trembling and she thinks she feels Umi’s heart beat like a drum against her breast. 

She’s never done this with anyone, but nothing felt out of place. Nothing felt uncomfortable or forced or awkward. She didn't know a kiss could be like this and happen so naturally—so easily. This kiss was one forged out of a need for intimacy that was understood without a word spoken between them. That’s what it was in the end, wasn't it?

Kotori has never wanted someone like this before. She senses the beginnings of an addiction she didn't want to stamp out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for the sweet comments and kudos. this is mostly self indulgent so i'm glad that i can deliver something that ya'll like. as you can tell, things will be getting up to that M rating there so stay tuned. might have to bump it up to an E rating to be safe but we will see.


	8. Chapter 8

It feels like hours of teasing tongues and restless, active lips. Just as Kotori feels as though the works of their mouths against one another was becoming insufficient in quelling the growing desire that burns in her gut, Umi reels the pace of the kiss back significantly.

Kotori notices the opening and forces herself to ease back, the hot rolls of her pants mixing with Umi’s. She is dazed and Umi leans forward instinctively to make up for the withdrawal until she can't reach her anymore, their lips bumping a couple more times—some a happy accident and some intentional. Each one is a firecracker that goes off in her mind, regardless. 

Umi treats her with such a heavy lidded, alluring look that Kotori has a hard time finding words that she wants to say or finding the will to focus on what they came here to do. She really can't remember what they were supposed to be doing in the first place. She feels so hot, she knows she's got to be close to running a fever. 

“Sonoda-san...” Kotori murmurs breathlessly as her heavy and foreign arms draw from around her shoulders. She thinks if she tries to stand, she’ll definitely fall, she feels so dizzy and warm and weightless. She braces herself on either of Umi’s shoulders as Umi shifts from sitting on her side to crossing her legs, facing her entirely. 

“I think you can call me Umi... i-if you want,” she whispers, equally as winded as her hands boldly find her waist, supporting her. She probably seems like a drunk with how she sways. 

“Umi-sa—…” Should she call her -san or -chan…? Or maybe just... “Umi.” Kotori corrects herself as she keeps her eyes and a mix of emotions that she is unable to decipher immediately flits across her face. She could guess what it was—disbelief, maybe. “It’s only fair if you call me Kotori, then.” She can't believe it herself. She’s on first name basis with someone she just met. Someone she just kissed (she _kissed_ someone!). 

Umi nods her head slowly in acknowledgement. 

“Can I ask you something?” Kotori starts, her fingers bunching up the cotton of Umi’s shoulders and her eyes dropping to look at nothing in particular. 

She can't gauge anything from Umi as she hums simply in response, but she knows she just said something that's worrying and could have sparked her anxiety. She hopes she doesn't make her uncomfortable. “What does this... mean?”

“This…” Umi repeats just above a whisper.

Kotori nods and looks up to watch her fingers smooth out the cloth at Umi’s shoulders distractedly. A touch this insignificant feels so scandalous next to everything. “This.”

Umi’s fingers curl against her hips. Her heart jumps and Umi doesn't seem to notice the gesture while it throws Kotori’s every thought out effortlessly. She’s never been touched there and she briefly thinks she wouldn't mind if Umi grips a little harder. 

“I don’t know... “ Umi says at first and Kotori inspects her thoughtful expression, bringing herself out of her stoop. “It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to. I-I don’t know why I did it.”

“You weren’t the only one who did anything.” Kotori speaks too quickly in response, she thinks. She was just eager to prove that she wanted the kiss, too, if her actions didn't already spell that out for her. 

“I suppose you're right,” Umi says, her eyes watching her lips for a moment before they rise up to her eyes. Kotori’s cheeks burn anew. “I never outgrew my awkwardness in situations like this, it seems.”

There is a strange squeeze at her heart as she pieces together the fact that Umi has been involved with someone like this before. It should have been obvious—a given. She was gorgeous and considering her situation, she had plenty of time to explore this sort of thing. 

Kotori swallows and averts her eyes again. “I don’t think you’re awkward,” she murmurs. 

“I mean… I just couldn't help myself. You make me do such strange things, Mina—um,” she pauses and leans forward a bit to catch her eyes. “Kotori.”

A lag clogs her mind. She suddenly loves the sound of her name as it leaves Umi’s lips, first and foremost. She’s always thought her name was a bit embarrassing—it was uncommon and written with three hiragana characters (she doesn’t know anyone else who wasn't a grade schooler who wrote their name without kanji). But when Umi says it, it sounds pleasant and she can't help thinking that she wouldn't ever grow tired of hearing it again. And again. And a couple more times for good measure. 

Second, what could Umi possibly mean when she says that she makes her do strange things? Granted, Umi has a knack for saying things that were questionable if one didn't happen to know her a bit more like Kotori did now. How could she _make_ her do anything, regardless? What things exactly did Umi consider strange?

Kotori silently mulls over her words and she happens to look up at the clock she has rested on the island. Oh… “It’s getting late,” she notes aloud and finally shifts her weight back to sit on her ankles. Her hands trail down either of Umi’s shoulders and fall off as she brings them into her lap. 

Umi draws her hands from her waist back, as well. She hesitates before she says, “It doesn't have to be late.”

Kotori feels a hint of amusement at the statement. It would have been so weird to hear before their conversation. “No, it’s fine… you've given me plenty to think about…” _And if you hang around any longer, I’ll do something ridiculous like ask you to stay the night._

“Then let me take you so you may have the rest of your night back,” Umi offers and Kotori still isn't sure if she could wrap her mind around the fact that she had the ability to do something like that. “Plus, I’ve already missed the last train and I could use the extra time to get to the station.”

Maybe Umi has always planned something like that. Kotori feels more inclined to the offer. But she wanted to walk with her. “I’ll keep you company, then.”

Umi sheds a small smile and Kotori’s insides warm pleasantly. She places a hand on her own and when she next blinks, they're back at her door. Kotori is just fitting in the key and she pauses, looking back over her shoulder in surprise for confirmation that this was all according to plan. 

She sees a similar smile on Umi’s lips that she’s sure wasn't there prior to their conversation and she's sure that they've both made it back as intended. Kotori can't help a giggle under her breath as she puts her key away. 

She thinks of how silly they must have looked to someone else as they start off back down the stairs and to the sidewalk. 

There are plenty more questions that Kotori wants to ask. But she doesn't know if she can place them now. She really does have a lot to think about. 

They arrive at the station and Kotori realizes that they've taken a bit of a step backwards with how nervously Umi fiddles with the edge of her coat and how she herself finds her mind wandering back to the kiss in the stretch of silence that settles between them and tries to hide her blush in her scarf. 

She wasn’t given a clear answer when she asked what their relationship has come to. Maybe Umi really didn't know where to go from here. Kotori didn't want to pretend like there was nothing between them and Umi had made it sound like it was ultimately her choice if this went anywhere or not. But there is so much more to consider. Umi wanted to kiss her in the first place—even back at the park, right? Or maybe she felt obligated because she guilt tripped her into kissing her when she was teasing her? The thoughts exhausted her. 

But Kotori didn't want to let go of that moment and that was for certain. 

She waits with Umi for the train to arrive, neither of them speaking. Kotori tries to find an opening and settles with saying something after the announcement rings through the station that Umi’s train will be there in ten minutes. 

“Umi…?” Kotori doesn't like how timid her voice sounds. 

Umi turns and her brows pull up a bit as she regards her. 

“Do you think we can exchange emails? I don't want to lose track of you…” Kotori admits, probably seeming desperate. 

But Umi doesn't seem to mind as she pulls out her smartphone and nods. Kotori hands her own phone over as they create their contacts. Kotori grins as she signs off her name with a baby chick emoji and gives it back with a warm smile. Umi finishes up around the same time and they take their respective phones back. Kotori types a message and sends it to make sure she's got the right address. 

Next to her, Umi's device vibrates and she opens the message. Kotori tries to hide her mischievous smile and does poorly as Umi angles her head away to hide the blush that starts at her cheeks. It's not that grand a reaction when she thinks about it, but coming from Umi, it might as well be a squeak and jump of surprise. 

She giggles under her breath as she watches Umi turn her screen well away from her and type back a quick message and send it. Kotori looks down to her phone curiously and watches the message appear in her inbox. She opens it and it catches her off guard. It’s now her turn to be flustered as she feels her heart catch and her cheeks heat up. 

It reads: _You’re cute._

Kotori stares at the simple characters and draws her phone a bit closer to her as she peeks over at Umi, who seems busy reading a map on the wall of the train to her right and isn't paying any attention to her. She looks back down to her display and types out another message. 

_You’re too kind~ (〃ω〃) You seem so cool, but you're actually really nervous, right? I’m sorry if I’m being a bother about that._

Kotori knows she’s right but she’s teasing at this point as she sends the message. 

The light of Umi’s phone comes on at her side as she tries to reply discreetly but Kotori catches sight of her thumb tapping on her screen in her peripheral vision. 

The reply is there a minute later: _I don't mind. That's part of it. Can someone be nervous, terrified, and anxious at the same time?_

Kotori lets loose a soft snicker and she feels a bit guilty about it the way Umi tenses up and shuffles where she stands awkwardly. She just finds the message funny because Umi seems like the type to be impermeable to such things and she couldn't be more wrong about assuming that. 

Kotori writes: _Yes. I’m trying to understand how you feel because it must be scary to open up to someone like this. I’m still in awe to really register anything else but excitement at this point. But I believe things will be alright so hopefully you can feel that way soon, too._

Seconds later, Umi replies: _That remains to be seen. I’ve tried a lot of different things in my life and something goes wrong every time I try to make a big change in hope of making things better for my future._

Kotori smiles somberly and stares at her reply for a long while before hitting send: _You’re going to run into roadblocks and mistakes no matter what because that's just how life works._

“It doesn't have to be that way,” Umi whispers down at her screen, causing Kotori to perk up in surprise. It’s been so quiet, she wasn't expecting Umi to finally start talking again. 

“That's a little unreasonable, you know,” she says just as softly with amusement riding in her tone. 

“I've spoiled myself. I try to get my way and I usually can. I have so many chances to retry everything, you know? I’ve got to get it right sometime…” Umi says, sounding troubled. 

But what could go so wrong with Umi’s life that she had to retry it over and over? There was an answer there that Kotori has not yet unveiled even the slightest clue about. 

As Kotori measures Umi’s body language, she notices that she has deflated, the profile of her expression that she could see distant, cloudy, and tired. She feels sad and she knows full well that she doesn’t have a right to butt in and make that any of her business, but she wants to comfort her. She considers pretending she doesn't notice, but her heart twists as she imagines Umi on the train alone wearing that face when she could have done something about it. 

So she reaches out and takes Umi’s palm in her own. The motion is subtle—she hardly turns her wrist by her side to accomplish what she wants. She thinks it’s a comforting gesture even though she can't keep Umi’s eyes when she looks to her searchingly as she squeezes. She can feel the bones of Umi’s icy cold hand through her gloves. 

“Kotori.”

She’s a bit proud of herself over the fact that she doesn't stutter or jump as she stares ahead to the train tracks. “Hm?”

“Can I confess something…?” Umi inquires quietly. 

That makes her heart speed up and she looks back up to Umi. She tries not to let the words worry her as she smiles reassuringly. “Of course.”

There is a pause as Umi looks into her eyes. Her lips part slightly and she stops. Kotori doesn't rush her. Another moment and—“I didn't kiss you at the park,” she spills. 

Kotori isn't sure she feels much of anything at the revelation. She blinks and hums once. “Oh… you didn't?”

“No. I rewinded before I did it. I got nervous when you asked me what I did to you that time and thought that that was an easier answer than the truth,” she says, looking guilty. 

Kotori wonders how much of a fool she made out of herself but she just thinks the situation is filled with so many misunderstandings that Umi must have felt equally as silly. That doesn't change the fact that Umi still kissed her in her apartment in spite of that. She could have admitted to that there and then but she didn't. 

“... but I’m glad I went through with it in the end,” Umi adds and Kotori can't help but to feel like she's known the smile Umi gives her a lot longer than she thought.

Mesmerized, she nods. The tracks rattle and the train begins to rush by as she breaths, “I am, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTL i've slowed down a lot i know. i was on a roll. for me, writing 14k words in one(ish) week is crazy good for me (and all editing and posting on my phone, no less). i had some bumps with this chapter for no real reason and hopefully it starts getting easier to write from here on out. thank you for all the interest and comments, it does help push me through and i'm so humbled to have the love for this i have gotten so far. thank you, really. 
> 
> this chapter is weird. i had maybe 20 crises writing it thinking about time travel. but we finally have the premise established so now we start using those devices to figure out about umi. 
> 
> also, i apologize for chapter length. it kills me when i get short updates on fics i like but i find i'm actually able to update much much more if i take on small chunks instead of dissecting and reworking 6k word chapters and it's honestly a lot of stress off of me to have them be short. when things pick up, hopefully i can post chapters faster to make up that difference. 
> 
> until next time!


	9. Chapter 9

“Alright everyone, is the assignment understood?”

A chorus of “yes!” echoes out through the room and the clap of the professor’s hands together indicates her satisfaction. 

“Very good! This is a project based class and it is early in the semester, but having such a high-stakes assignment such as this one will help you to grow at an exponential rate that can only leave more room for improvement in our next few months together. Remember that you will be critiqued by industry professionals, so work your hardest to fill the prompt and make something incredible!”

The air of excitement that follows the class is one of giggles and small cheers as everyone heads to the drawing table to start sketching ideas. Kotori is no different as she studies the sketchbook in front of her, starting by loosely describing a woman’s figure as a base while she thinks. 

She peeks over at her neighbor and starts as she sees a nearly full-blown design come into fruition. “W-Watanabe-san, that's incredible! You’re so fast!”

Watanabe You perks up and gives a sheepish grin, the tip of her eraser poking her cheek. “I’m just so used to drawing uniforms, it's the first thing I wanted to do!”

Kotori understands a bit about You’s passions and her goal of finding a job designing uniforms for large companies—like bellhops at hotels or waiters and waitresses at fancy restaurants or cafes. Kotori aims to find a career choice as concrete at You’s. 

“The prompt is ‘winter flourishes’... Do you think it's too boring?” You says as she pushes over the paper and Kotori gets a better look at it. It sure was a uniform!

“Hmm… maybe it's a bit safe,” she says thoughtfully—honestly. “You're comfortable drawing this sort of thing, right? I think the pros are going to want to see something that you had a lot of fun working on but is really unique, so you should keep with the formalness of the base and try to incorporate what high collar fashion feels like to branch out from your comfort zone.”

You stares at her for a bit and all of the lights in her eyes brighten up. “You’re right, I’ll try it out! Thanks, Minami-san! Do you have anything for me to look at?” She smiles and leans over at her mostly blank page. 

Kotori flushes a bit and laughs awkwardly as she shifts her paper away. “Ah… I’ll need just a bit to get an idea. The pressure is really on, don't you agree?”

“It really is… professionals, huh? Maybe if our work is good enough, we can get in with the big names,” You says with a grin as she gets back to her sketching and starts a fresh one. “Well, full speed ahead! I’m not stopping until I have something truly incredible. Work hard, okay?”

Kotori nods and smiles back. You ducks down into her work and Kotori turns to stare back at her canvas. “Winter flourishes…” she murmurs. 

When she thinks of winter, she thinks cold weather—a given. Something that looks warm is a must. Winter meant the year she was used to was almost through and the arrival of spring would bring new change. But that was to say it was a typical year. Her winter has already been significantly different than what she had expected. There was never really a good time of the year to discover that time travel was possible, after all. 

She wasn't sure what she wanted to make at all. “Winter flourishes…” she repeats and poises her pencil on her canvas and just starts placing lines because she has to produce something.

* * *

“Honoka-chan! Thank you for coming!” Kotori beams as she is taken into a big bear hug. Honoka really gives the absolute best, warmest, most suffocating hugs and she gives her all back into it until she can feel the circulation to her arms getting cut off because she really misses her best friend. 

“Kotori-chan~! All you had to say was curry and I was here! But I do love you too, so you know I’d do anything for you!” Honoka says happily as she gives one final squeeze and releases her from her friendly embrace. “I missed you!”

Kotori giggles and steps back to allow Honoka into her apartment. “I missed you too! How’s the shop?”

“Boring! But I brought you bread!” She grins and holds up a light plastic bag that she hadn't noticed she was carrying. 

“Oh! You didn't have to! Thank you,” Kotori laughs as she accepts the bag and turns to the kitchen. “Did your sister give you grief for taking free bread?”

“She sure did! I ended up taking some of the day old ones instead of melon pan to get her off my back, so sorry about that,” Honoka explains animatedly as she goes and plops down at the table. 

“You didn't have to go and do all of that,” Kotori smiles as she places the bread onto the counter and finishes the portions of rice she started making before Honoka knocked. 

“It’s nothing! Hey, how are your classes and stuff going? You moved all the way out here for school, so it's still working out, right?”

Kotori laughs under her breath and turns off the burner keeping the curry pot warm. “I only moved away 30 minutes by train, Honoka-chan,” she says and opens the pot. She ladles the curry next to the rice as she goes on. “Everything is going well, though! I’m starting to feel the stress to impress, you could say, but I just need to work hard and produce the best stuff I can.”

“Sounds just like you! I know you’ll do great! What kinda outfit are you working on now? Is it a dress? Is it super cute?!” Honoka presses energetically, sounding truly impatient to hear the answer. 

Kotori can't help a soft bout of giggles as she places the plates onto a tray with a pot of tea with matching cups and rounds the counter towards the table. “I’m not too sure yet. I do want it to be super cute, but I'm having trouble getting inspiration,” she finds herself saying, realizing the truth in her words as she says them. 

“Inspiration? Hmm… yeah, I guess you can't force something like that...” Honoka says, her arm crossed in front of her on the table and a finger hooked pensively in front of her chin. 

Kotori gently eases down with the tray and Honoka jumps up with eyes that shoot wide open and watches with a huge grin. Kotori swears that she sees Honoka tear up. 

“Kotori-chan, it looks amazing! Smells good, too! Ah~I’m starving!” Honoka is practically vibrating. 

“There’s plenty more in the kitchen, so eat up!” Kotori beams and Honoka looks like she’s unveiled a lost, precious treasure and she can't contain her excitement as she receives her plate.

Honoka’s makes a clear, sharp clap as she brings her hands together. “Let’s eat~!”

Kotori mimics the gesture with much less energy but not any less enthused. “Let’s eat!”

They dig in and engage in more casual conversation. Kotori asks about how Honoka’s job hunt is going and she says she’s been looking without much success. But Honoka shares that she’s thinking about retaking the college entrance exams. She failed the first one and got busy with taking care of the family shop when her mother had to get surgery for an awful back condition that left her bedridden for half a year. 

Honoka wasn’t able to take it that year after because she couldn’t contribute much time to studying due to the spot in the shop she had to fill. That and Kotori going away to college herself left her with one less pillar of motivation to keep on at it. Kotori felt guilty about going off while her best friend stayed behind, but Honoka reassured her time and time again that she didn’t feel left out in the slightest and that she just has a longer path to walk before they truly meet up again on the same level.

“Have you decided what you want to go back to school to do?” Kotori asks over her cup of tea before taking a sip. She’s glad Honoka has decided to try the whole process again. She knows if she puts her mind to it, she’ll be successful. 

“Well, you know me. I can’t really do anything real science-y or math related, so I just started looking around at jobs that I really admire,” Honoka explains as she goes to shovel a big bite of rice into her mouth. After a moment of chewing, she continues. “And I thought about law enforcement because being an officer sounds really cool. And you don’t have to go to school for that, right? But then I started to figure out the physical stuff you needed to pass and I said forget it.”

Kotori laughs under her breath and nods. That sounds just like her. “So then…?”

“So then I thought about Maki-chan and how she went into the medical field and then I asked her a bit about what it was like and I totally got lost as she was explaining the process and what you needed to know and all of that. So I thought that maybe it isn’t a good idea for me to be in charge of people’s health.” Honoka grins sheepishly and shrugs one of her shoulders. Then her eyes light up as she leans forward into her next words. “But then that’s when I thought about school in general and what I liked about it! I figured out I like kids and all the atmosphere and making friends so I thought that being an elementary or middle school teacher could be cool!”

Kotori mirrors the large smile Honoka has across her lips and beams at her. “Oh wow, Honoka-chan, that sounds fun! You really do like kids and your high energy would make you a very popular teacher!”

“You think so?!” She laughs and thanks her sincerely. “I’ll have to work hard to pass the entrance exams… I was thinking about finding a tutor!”

Kotori wants to offer her own services but she just doesn't know if she can consistently keep up with Honoka’s academic needs in a way that a full-time tutor could. “Plenty of students at my university are constantly looking for tutoring jobs. I’ll help you look!”

Honoka bows her head, but it's more like furious nodding. “Thanks Kotori-chan!”

Kotori offers her best smile and looks back down to her food. It’s all she can really do for her friend, now, but she knows that Honoka is genuine in whatever she says or does so she believes her enthusiasm is really what she feels. That doesn't stop her from feeling slightly horrible, regardless. She wishes she could be there for Honoka at a moment’s notice. 

“So Kotori-chan! What else has been new with you?” Honoka asks and Kotori feels a pit of nervousness settle in her as she contemplates what it’d be like to tell Honoka about Umi. 

It couldn't hurt. “Do you remember Sonoda Umi, Honoka-chan?” Kotori looks up, finding the words so strange as she says them because she knows in any normal context, she knew the answer would be no. 

Honoka makes a face and her brows furrow as she nods slowly. “I know the name, dunno why.”

“She used to live close to us,” Kotori lies after a beat, feeling awful for it the second it leaves her mouth but the truth would be harder to explain even though she has an inkling of a thought that Honoka would believe her if she really did explain everything. 

“Huh. Is that so? What about her?” Honoka asks as she takes to her food casually. 

“Um! Nothing much! I just ran into her and wondered if you remembered her!” Kotori freaks out a little, her voice pinching up nervously as she speaks. She doesn't know why she bothered to bring her up if the topic makes her flustered. It was something new and interesting, alright. She briefly wonders if Honoka has had her first kiss. She would tell her, right? Kotori at least hopes she would, should she ever find someone she felt that way about. Does Honoka really care about hearing that stuff, though? 

They had been back and around the topic of romance plenty of times. Honoka didn't seem to care too much for it, though she did find people attractive—or what she thought could be attraction, Honoka had told her before that she wasn't sure what that really meant. She revealed that she didn't think about guys the way other girls tended to and Kotori immediately felt the relief of the realization that she could come out to Honoka as bisexual with a preference for women, which she did.

Honoka being Honoka accepted her right away. Kotori didn't know why she dreaded that particular conversation but she just didn't want them to stop being friends. It was a reasonable fear, but with looking back and really knowing Honoka, she didn't even think confessing to a murder could deter her friend from being supportive of her. 

Kotori hasn't even told her own mother about any of that. It’s hard to explain and she got really lucky with Honoka because she already felt similarly. There really was no easy way to come out to parents and as far as she knew, Honoka hasn't come out to her mother and father, either. That much was as comforting as it was frightening. But she knows the Kousakas and her own mother well. She doesn't think that there would be dire problems but it's always hard thinking about how one might be judged by family because of preferences like that. 

Dinner thankfully passes into more casual conversation and they do the dishes together. 

They sit in her room while Kotori pulls up her laptop so they can watch dramas and Honoka jumps suddenly with a look of realization in her eyes. 

“You know what! I do remember a little something about Sonoda Umi! She came into the shop once or twice, now that I think about it! She went to UTX, right? At least, I could guess from her uniform,” Honoka says. 

Oh, back to Umi? A UTX uniform? Kotori blinks and can only nod slowly at this new information. “Uh… that sounds like her?”

Honoka isn't perturbed by her confused tone. “She had really pretty long blue hair. And she actually asked my mom about you! Don't remember what she said but I jumped up to see who she was since she obviously knew you. I think she introduced herself and left, saying she’d be back or something. It was weird.”

“I see…” Kotori grins slightly. Did Umi really mean she’d be back years later with her? It seems like something cryptic she would say. 

She wonders why Umi bothered to go through all that trouble. She couldn't imagine it, but she supposed if she had the abilities that she possessed, she wouldn't find much better things to do. 

The rest of the night passes pleasantly. Kotori ends up making more tea to keep the both of them warm and snack on the bread Honoka brought as they watch the drama she has picked out. It’s a good time and Kotori is already thinking about when they can do this again by the time Honoka stands up to leave. They chat excitedly about the preview for the new and unreleased episode and promise to see it together in the coming weeks. 

“Bye, Honoka-chan! I’ll let you know when next I’m free so we can watch more!” Kotori waves as Honoka trots backwards down the hall, waving back. 

“Okay! See ya, Kotori-chan!”

She waits until Honoka is no longer in sight to stop waving before slipping back into her apartment. She sighs wistfully and pulls out her smartphone. 

It’s been a couple days since she’s met Umi and she finds that she has to be the one to text first to get her to talk. She doesn't mind in the least and types out a quick greeting and reports that her time with Honoka was over and that she had a lot of fun. 

As Kotori cleans up around her apartment a bit more out of habit, the reply buzzes at her side. She pulls up the screen and reads: _Good evening. I’m glad you had fun. Have you eaten?_

Kotori blinks at the display for a moment before she stops what she's doing and focuses. She writes: _I have eaten! ( ˘ω˘ ) Curry and rice! Delicious!_

She sits down at her table as she anxiously busies herself on her phone. She checks on her plants she’s growing in one of her app games before the reply comes. 

_That’s good... Are you going to bed soon?_

Kotori bites her lip and looks at the time. It's a little late but she supposes she doesn't have to retire any time soon, especially when Umi asks like that and she thinks that that's an awkward way of asking if she's available to do anything. Kotori sighs underneath her breath at how weak and pathetic she is as she responds: _Nope! I think I’ll be up for a while. Why?_

The next message makes her jump up excitedly: _Would you like to come out with me to—_

Kotori can’t read anymore as she squeals, dropping her phone on the table as she darts to her room to get ready in a flurry of smiles and skipping. About ten minutes into her solidifying her look with her cutest clothes sprawled out all across her room, she remembers that she hasn't responded to the email and runs back over to her phone, sliding to a stop just before the table as she sweeps it up and turns back to her room. 

Umi hasn't sent anything else and she worries a bit as she affirms that she’d love to and apologizes as she admits that she was just getting ready. The response is quick and Umi says she’ll be there in 45 minutes. 

Kotori is all excitement and energy as she gets ready. Umi hasn't talked about seeing her again and Kotori was starting to get worried that she might want to have nothing to do with her. That very insecurity kept her from asking Umi to meet with her, in turn. She hoped to convey that she was determined to keep in touch as she promised by consistently messaging her every day. But maybe Umi thought that even that was annoying? Kotori winds herself down as she thinks more about it. 

As she looks into her body mirror, the troubled look that stares back at her causes her to sigh. She hopes Umi doesn’t think that she’s overbearing or bothersome. She thinks if she were Umi, she would be at least a little annoyed. Kotori knows she isn’t the most fun person to be around and she knows her voice is more high-pitched than a lot of women her age and that could be a little off-putting. Her company tends to run thin in a lot of situations that isn't with people she already knows, too. 

There is plenty to be insecure about, but at least she's got cute skirts and stockings. It’s cold out, but she’ll sacrifice comfort for showing a little bit of skin. She layers up with a long sleeve and sets aside one of her short button up raincoats to wear out—it's beige and she likes it a lot. 

Just as she finishes applying a light layer of casual makeup, she hears a knock at the door and checks the time. It’s been 45 minutes on the dot. Umi is extremely punctual, it seems. Kotori quickly stands and comes to the door before she cracks it open and smiles up. 

Sure enough, it's just as she expected. Except nothing could really prepare her for just how effortlessly Umi manages to make her thoughts stutter as she takes a surprised scroll of her body. She's in a sweater vest and a scarf—nothing revolutionary, but she just looks so amazingly sharp and mature. Kotori’s weak little heart catches up with her when she remembers how to breathe.

She’s taken aback to find that Umi regards her with a wide-eyed look of surprise of her own. A beat passes and then another before Kotori remembers that she usually greets people when she sees them.

“Um. Hello. Do you want to come in? I’m almost ready,” she says shyly and Umi looks as though she’s forgotten language for a moment as she parts her lips and resigns to closing her mouth and nodding minimally. It’s cute and Kotori hides her smile behind the door as she pulls it open with her and waits for Umi to step inside. She enters and stays close to the door so she can keep her shoes on. 

Kotori closes the door softly and meekly slips by as she speaks. “Make yourself comfortable, I’ll only be a couple minutes.”

“Take your time,” Umi manages in a small voice, avoiding her eyes as a cute blush dusts her cheeks. 

Kotori just nods mechanically and slips back into her bedroom quickly. When she rounds the corner and is sure Umi can't see her, she presses both of her hands into her flushed face and just stands there as she fights the urge to just scream for no other reason than Umi is so cute, it wasn't fair. She just stands there for a moment before flipping a switch and straightening up as she does another quick once-over in the mirror and grabs her jacket and a purse. With one last look into the mirror, she finally turns out her lights. 

She patters back into the other room, thankful that she was able to contain her excitement, for the most part. Umi was just so quiet and collected that she didn’t want to freak her out by bouncing off of walls or anything but Kotori was sure Umi was feeling just as nervous as she was.

“Ready to go!” She calls softly as she swings the strap of her purse over her shoulder and offers a gentle smile.

Umi smiles one-sidedly. “Alright then. After you.” She gestures to the door and Kotori nods as she pulls on a pair of boots and takes out her keys. 

“I apologize for the short notice. I haven't had an opening to do much for myself, so I jumped at the chance the moment I thought it wasn't going to be an inconvenience to you.”

So she was very busy, after all. Kotori opens the door, feeling relieved that Umi hasn't been purposefully avoiding her. As she steps out, Umi follows close behind. “It’s quite alright. I’ve been sorta preoccupied, myself. Classes and all of that. What sort of things were you tied  
up with?” She asks as she locks the door and turns, the two of them falling in step side by side towards the exit. 

Umi doesn't answer immediately. Kotori instantly regrets asking since it could be such a personal question, but Umi continues after a beat. “Family things. Unavoidable things.”

The way Umi looks forward tiredly, Kotori can only assume that it wasn't good. She doesn't want to pry and stress her out. “Well, I’m thankful that you get to spend tonight with me! We’ll make the best of it, alright?” She steps close with her best smile, her arm bumping Umi’s playfully. 

Umi angles her eyes towards her and her smile seems to rub off on her as one of the corners of her mouth curl subtly. “Alright… are you sure you don't mind where we’re going?”

Kotori mentally freezes. She actually had no idea where they were going. Did it say in Umi’s message? She hadn't read it all because she was so excited to get ready. Would it look weird if she took her phone out now and checked? … Definitely. It would definitely be weird. She bit the inside of her lip and nodded with an affirmative hum. “Of course I don't!” Her voice pitches up a bit more than usual and Umi eyes her questioningly but doesn't press. 

“I’m glad… I thought it might make you uncomfortable, but it's a safe place to be. Have you been there before?”

Kotori wants to run away there and then. She dug her grave so deep. She has no idea what she's talking about. “Ah… no, I haven't, but I don't see anything wrong with trying something new!” 

Umi deflates a little in relief. “You must not visit that sort of scene a lot, then. But I’m glad you don't mind. It’s nice because it's just somewhere to disappear.”

She wants to die. There was not enough clues for her to figure out what it was Umi was referring to. “I think everyone needs a place like that… a place to just disappear for a while.” That was a comforting thought, so she wills herself to calm down because there was no way Umi was taking her somewhere absolutely crazy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter started to get long and stress me out so i've decided to cut it off a little early and get to the good stuff in the next one. i'll try to get it out as soon as possible. 
> 
> thank you for the kudos and comments, it means a lot. :)


	10. Chapter 10

This was absolutely crazy. 

Kotori has never been to this part of town—the streets are lit up like something she’d only see in movies. The signs were flashing and bright and so many different colors—there were DVD stores and adult DVD stores and buildings with posters of scantily clad girls on them. 

The reverb of bass from a nearby building tickled her spine and rotating lights grazed her eyes. There were patrons roaming the streets and laughing with a livelihood that could only be accompanied by booze. 

A street sign alerted her of their destination and she could only stare in awe at it until they passed it as everything suddenly made so much sense. They were in Kabukicho. Better known as Tokyo’s Red Light District. Kotori ironically has even less of a clue as of what she signed herself up for. She was uncertain but she wasn't scared. She didn't think Umi would suggest something that any sane person would decline to do. But she did ask her if she was really alright with it, so she isn't entirely sure. 

“S-so, are you a regular here?” Kotori tries to ask casually as she walks so closely to Umi, their arms bump constantly. She doesn't seem to mind, however. 

“I was at one time—in a past that doesn't exist anymore. You can say I’ve done my fair share of reckless things already and I tired of this scene quickly. But I do visit this place I found back then whenever I can,” she explains softly as she continues to lead the way, unperturbed and perhaps unseeing to the flashiness around her. 

Kotori was curious as of the extent of reckless things she did that exploratory time, but she isn’t sure she really wanted to know those answers. Did it matter anymore if it never really happened? It only existed as a thought, a memory in Umi’s mind. It was as harmless as a daydream. Right?

After a half hour of navigating the foreign streets, Umi took a turn into an archway that lead into a series of shoulder to shoulder traditional-styled buildings with modest signs that revealed them as bars. The pathway was wide and busy with barhoppers. But the two of them keep trudging through as the rank scent of strong alcohol burns Kotori's nostrils. She nearly presses her entire side to Umi as boisterous, sudden laughter makes her jump into her and the squeak she makes draws some eyes over to her. She flushes and looks down to the floor, embarrassed as she subtly grabs the hem of Umi’s sweater vest at by her thumb and her hooked index finger.

Umi murmurs something apologetically as she regards her with a furrowed brow. They take another turn in between two buildings and begin to walk a thin and dark path that opens to a street on the far opposite side. Before they reach it, Umi stops at a veiled doorway with a dim but homely light next to the two tapestries hanging from the top of the door frame. The large kanji on the linen reads Spring Capital. She blinks and barely catches onto the small characters underneath the establishment’s title as Umi steps through and pushes the cloth out of the way. 

Kotori has mixed feelings but she feels a bit more at ease, now. No, she's never been to a place like this before and she was relieved that that ends up being true. She has sometimes entertained the thought of coming to a place like this before but just couldn't muster up the courage. 

As she steps through, the soft coo of conversation and the pulse of driving music brushes her ears pleasantly. There's a single bouncer in a simple hallway that connects the entrance, two women’s bathrooms, and another set of closed doors she guards casually. Kotori follows in Umi’s lead as she approaches the double doors. The bouncer straightens up a bit and reaches for the door with a nod to her and a small, knowing smirk as she looks between her and Kotori. 

“Have a good time, Sonoda-san,” the guard says. Kotori notices the security uniform she's wearing is mostly normal save for the very short shorts she has on. A tinge of amusement fills Kotori as the door parts and Umi lets her in first. 

The music becomes significantly louder, but not overbearing. The air is thick with the scents of perfume, alcohol, and a hazy with a hint of cigarette smoke. The space is modest and small—the opposite of the grandeur of strobing lights and amazing effects she had witnessed minutes before that decorated Kabukicho’s colorful streets. There is a bar that covers an entire wall, chairs and tables and couches are dotted throughout the space while a chunk of the it is left open as a dance floor. The flashiest things here are a small collection of arcade games in the corner, but even then, Kotori can tell they are very old by the titles alone. 

It’s a pretty nice place, all in all. It’s lively and every patron is a woman—or as least as far as she knew since she would admit to a degree of ignorance when it came to bending perceptions of gender, especially in a place like this. 

“Is this somewhere you’d like to stay? I know of one other club—a regular one if you’d like—that isn't so bad,” Umi asks to her after bowing her head towards her. She looks at her with such an intense, worried expression that Kotori knows she needs to soothe. 

“This is perfectly fine! I’ve never been to a lesbian club, so I want to try it at least once!” Kotori assures her with a comforting smile. She's never been to a club at all, but she's glad Umi has taken her here. The insinuations of everything points to the possibility that Umi was aware of… whatever was between them and how that could be perceived. 

Umi relaxes a bit as she nods to herself. “I’m glad. I was afraid I might have offended you when I asked you out to here… it never really crossed my mind when I sent the message that you might not really be…” 

“Gay?” Kotori finishes in a small voice as she shoulders off her bag and places it next to her. 

Umi grins wryly and nods as she leads her to a table by the wall. “Well… of course I had thought about it. Looking back at everything, I thought that maybe I had forced everything onto you. I was being very unfair and I apologize,” she says timidly as she takes a seat and Kotori quickly occupies the one opposite her. 

She couldn't be any more wrong! “You don't need to apologize, I thought you were very attractive from the first moment I saw you!”

The pulse of music suddenly pales in comparison to the beating of her heart in her ears as Kotori freezes and her breath catches and stops. Umi’s eyes widen as she gapes at her and Kotori is in shock that she has managed to let something like that slip so casually in conversation. She didn't think for a second about what to say. It was a verbal disaster. 

“Oh,” Umi mouths and looks down at the table awkwardly and Kotori begins to stutter. 

“I-I know you probably don't need to hear it from me since I’m sure you know, you’re—you’re absolutely gorgeous so it just—um! Um… you know… um...” Kotori feels like the room is forty clicks hotter. 

“Welcome to Spring Capital, ladies,” a voice suddenly arose from the side of the table and the both of them gratefully looked up from their flustered states of mind. “Is there anything I can get you two to drink?”

“Um. House sake, please. Warm,” Umi manages as she avoids eye contact and fiddles with her scarf before tugging it off. 

“Uh…s-sake is fine for me, too.” Kotori smiles politely as she nervously crosses her fingers in front of her. She hasn't drank much, but she doesn't want to be an inconvenience by asking for anything too complicated. 

The waitress nods and heads off towards the bar and Kotori is able to relax a bit as she steals a glance at Umi. She’s still dodging her eyes but she has a faint, cute smile that curls at her lips subtly. 

It got a bit quiet between them, so Kotori took some initiative. “Thank you for inviting me here. I don't get to go out much like this,” she says softly as she fiddles with her own fingers. 

Umi takes at that and glances up with a wider albeit one sided smile. “Of course… I apologize for the time of night. This isn't my ideal picture of a—”

Kotori blinks at the way Umi halts her words suddenly. The way Umi pales riles something mischievous up in Kotori as she leans forward on the table with a sly grin. “A date?” She finishes, much to Umi’s growing discomfort. She giggles as Umi blushes anew and is satisfied with her flustered reaction enough to stop teasing her. She leans back unassumingly and looks around. “It’s alright. You said yourself that it was somewhere to disappear, right? I’m humbled that you decided to take me somewhere like that.”

There is a pause as Umi nods stiffly. “I said that, didn't I?” She whispers rhetorically and Kotori adapts a curious look as she peeks at her from the corner of her eye, barely catching the words as the music shifts from something upbeat to something more mellow. 

“You did… what about this place makes you feel like you disappear?”

Umi hesitates as she bites her bottom lip nervously. “It's… tucked away somewhere I think most people forget, kind of like a whole different world where it's normal to be...” Umi tries to find her words as shakes her head slightly. “To be this way. It's also secretive—away from prying eyes. I don't feel like I have to be anything but honest when I’m here.”

“I see,” Kotori murmurs. She can grasp the words Umi uses easily. They just ring so true. The pressures of society to be a certain way were overbearing and an ever constant—unnoticed unless one knew they didn't fit into the expectations set ahead of them. “Hiding a part of yourself away like that from the rest of the world… you never really do get to fully be you. I suppose that part of your life doesn't go away if you rewind time.”

Umi laughs dryly. “No, it doesn't.”

The waitress returns with a tray of two shot glasses and a porcelain white bottle and places it down on the table. Umi and Kotori watch her appreciatively and thank her when she leaves. 

Umi reaches forward first and pours Kotori’s first shot. “So, you like sake?” She asks conversationally. 

“Yes, but I’ve never had it warm,” she says gently back as she eyes the glass before taking it after Umi tops it off. 

“It's good. It hits you a little faster this way,” she explains and Kotori nods, transfixed as she watches Umi fill her own glass and raises it up. “Cheers.”

Kotori brings up her glass after a beat with a faint smile. “Cheers,” she says as she and Umi take the shots unhurriedly. The alcohol is amazingly smooth and silky, the trickle of its path warming up her insides all the way down pleasantly. The gentle prod of the rice flavor is a carressing afterthought that sits comfortably on her tongue. Umi was right when she said that it hits a lot faster this way. She feels the distant echo of dizziness and can already feel her body loosening past it's initial integrity. Kotori knows herself as a bit of a lightweight and it isn't an unwelcome feeling. 

Kotori perks up and places her glass back down. “It’s good!” She exclaims with a beaming smile. 

Umi grins and gives a soft, muffled laugh. “I’m glad,” she replies with a slight nod. 

Kotori reaches for the bottle and takes a turn pouring their shots. “I think I can count the amount of times I’ve had alcohol on one hand…”

“So I’m that much of a horrible influence,” Umi muses as she rests a cheek on her palm. 

Kotori laughs under her breath. It comes to her attention then that Umi seems like such an adult, though she's sure they fall around the same age. She’s just so much more mature than her. “You must be! But I don't mind. If I’m missing anything in my life, it's a bit of a break every once and a while and this seems to be just the day.”

They say their cheers again as they down the next shot and Umi taps a finger on the table thoughtfully. The music carries on for a moment as they bask in the lively atmosphere of the club. 

Umi turns towards her and shrugs one shoulder. “First a nice day with Kousaka-san and now this... I think you're spoiled, all things considered,” she says with an even face as she treats their glasses again with more sake. 

Kotori is stunned as she realizes the dry yet playful jab Umi has instigated. A smile traces her lips as she leans with her forearms crossed in front of her. “I think it takes a lot more than this to spoil me,” she tempts, a kittenish quality to her words. She realizes how unmistakably flirty she sounds much too late after it leaves her mouth. But she kind of likes where she pushes the conversation. 

Umi’s eyes shrink into lithe slits and a corner of her lips twitches up. “Is that so?” She says in such a way that makes Kotori’s mouth suddenly feel so dry and her cheeks burn hot. She didn't expect Umi to bite back so readily. “What does it take to spoil you, then?” Umi asks as she eyes her with an increasing laxness. 

Kotori lifts her shot to her lips without cheers and slowly takes it as a means to stall, keeping Umi’s heavy amber eyes. Her stomach feels like it's full of fuzz and hot air. There is an alluring and exciting turn of her gut that makes her want to get lost in the way Umi beckons her. 

When the bottom of her empty glass clanks gently against the wood surface, she stands and rounds the edge of the booth without lifting her palm, the musical scraping of her glass against the table causing Umi’s eyes to dart down quickly and back up to her face with little emotion aside from slight amusement. Kotori sits right next to her and Umi makes deliberate and slow movements to accommodate her presence on the bench.

As she sits, Umi takes a small sip of her sake and draws her eyes down to her fingers as she delicately places it in front of her. 

Umi’s body language becomes very open. Her knees angle towards her and she slides her arm subtly over the back of the bench behind Kotori as she leans into it. 

Kotori slides over the shot glass and Umi lets go of hers in favor of the porcelain bottle. She portions out another helping of sake for her as Kotori speaks. “It depends, Sonoda Umi,” she starts, annunciating every syllable of her name, which prompts an attentive twitch of Umi’s brow. She brings her eyes back to her and Kotori holds them unflinchingly. “I find the times where I’m the most spoiled, I’ve gotten to experience things I haven't before. Or at least it feels like I’m experiencing those things for the first time…”

“This place…?” Umi inquires lowly, prodding her on. 

“Yes, this is a new place. With new people. I feel pretty close to spoiled right about now, but...” she pauses to eye her up and down, surprised at her own boldness. In the moment, it's so easy to fall into feeling so coquettish when Umi looks at her so intently like that—so invitingly. 

Kotori feels a brush at her shoulder as Umi leans close. When she glances to her side, she can see that Umi’s arm is now encircling the entirety of the back of the bench.

“But what?” Umi whispers, the words getting lost to the hiking pulse of music that crashes in her ears. She wouldn't have understood otherwise if her eyes hadn't slid to watch Umi’s lips. 

The beat of the music coincides with the clockwork of her heart pounding in her chest. She smiles without knowing and leans back while unable to tear her eyes from Umi’s mouth. It seems unreal, the way Umi compensates the space between them by slipping closer to her on the bench. She wants to seal the gap but the alcohol makes her slightly cruel. She wants to play a little more. 

Kotori grins slyly. “But I think we need to dance. What about it?” She asks as she looks up to Umi’s eyes from her mouth. 

It takes Umi a second to recover as Kotori stands up from the bench and gestures towards the dance floor. Umi doesn't make to move as she stares after her with a slight furrow at her brows. “I’m not very good at dancing,” she says softly and Kotori laughs breathlessly. 

“It’s not a competition. It’s for fun,” she says encouragingly as she leans over and takes one of Umi’s hands into both of her own and tugs. “Let’s try it. If you don't want to do it anymore, we’ll just come sit back down. How is that?”

The hesitation in Umi’s expression melts away as she downs the rest of her sake and shuffles out from the bench to stand. “Just one song shouldn't hurt.”

Kotori jumps up excitedly and leads Umi through the dotted chairs and tables, already nodding along with the claps and bass hits of the music. 

The lighting near the dance floor is dimmed. It's small and there aren't very many people, but it's lively with who is all there bobbing with the beat. Kotori spins on her heels towards Umi, staggering a bit as the rush of the world around her takes a moment to catch up—it’s in no way severe enough to hinder her balance to the point of falling, but it's a ride, nonetheless. She doesn’t realize she’s leaning on Umi for support until she feels the gust of a nearly soundless chuckle tickle her cheek. Her heart jumps and thunders in her ears at how close Umi's face has gotten. 

“Maybe we should sit down after all,” Umi murmurs to her and her hands raise to gently grip the planes of Kotori’s hips. She eyes her with an unextinguishable glint of amusement in her gaze that causes a bubble of warmth to turn in her stomach. It seems like Umi was having a good time, even with how messy she was starting to get. 

Kotori shakes her head distractedly and slides her hands up over the curve of Umi’s shoulders. Standing in front of her like this, Kotori thinks she counts at least eight centimeters of difference in their heights that she's somehow failed to notice before. She really likes taller girls. She’s shamefully crushed on Nozomi’s fiancée Eli before, having only seen her a couple of times but unable to help herself from being a victim to her own little guilty pleasures. 

The music hits the chorus, rekindling her energy as she nods along—it's an electronic track she doesn't recognize, but it gets her moving and swaying a bit, regardless. She's afraid that someone might laugh at her dancing, but Umi starts to mirror her, a cute and concentrated furrow curving her brow. They go on like that until the next chorus. 

She adapts a small smile and looks down at where Umi’s arms curl around her and how her own arms are bent up and resting on either of Umi’s shoulders, poised like they were engaged in awkward slow dancing. The way they move seems so underwhelming next to the other dance floor patrons when she looks around to see—but the bumping and fluidness and reckless abandon of the others was starting to rub on her, albeit gradually. She steadily becomes less shy with how outgoing and carefree everyone else on the dance floor seemed. 

Kotori laughs aloud without meaning to as she looks back to her dance partner and brushes her hands off of her shoulders. She smoothly takes both of her hands in hers in one swift motion, keeping the pulse of the music as she begins to incorporate what she believes is lively but simple footwork. 

“What?” Umi asks with an infectious grin and Kotori shakes her head and looks down to hide her own smile. 

“We just look silly,” she explains as she turns her head back up. 

“I’ve made more of an idiot of myself at much higher stakes,” Umi says that Kotori thinks is comforting and she breathes out a giggle. She supposes she’s done more embarrassing things, too. 

In an instant shift of aptitude, Umi suddenly seems to know how to move her body. It's nothing spectacular, but the independence in which she rolls her hips and shoulders and manipulates her feet instills the thought that she has definitely practiced this sort of movement. And wow, does it look good. Or maybe Kotori is just that blindsided by everything Umi does. 

Kotori slows in her motions to dedicate brainpower to gawk because she wasn't sure what she was expecting then and there, but it definitely wasn't this. She begins to feel a bit self-conscious of how she moves but is determined to not let it show. She isn't entirely clueless, either, after all. 

She starts to incorporate her repertoire of pop group dances into her movements, not solely borrowing from any one specific dance, but she's practiced the moves enough in the mirror for fun that she has an inkling of how to pretend like she knows how to move her body. She lets go of Umi’s hands and just begins to go with it. 

Her arms raise up, her hands weaving through her long hair, pushing it all back. She’s all hip pops and and body rolls and she isn't sure what she's doing with her hands but she keeps them moving and loose. It becomes too hot to keep a jacket on so she finds a second to shrug it off and she tosses it off somewhere onto a nearby unoccupied chair. 

It takes three and a half songs for the alcohol to begin to really settle. The sheen of sweat that covers her skin makes it feel like she's wearing an extra set of clothes and blood rushes in waves through her cheeks and neck. The happy sensation of intoxication takes over and she's so aware that she's passing tipsy that she starts trying to act like she's just fine. She’s not quite drunk, but she isn't really sure how far away drunk is, at this point. 

Umi seems to be enjoying herself, even after the first and only song she warned would be the only one she’d participate in. She's actually really good at dancing and Kotori briefly wonders if she's borrowing from pop dances, as well. After a few songs, Umi rolls off her sweater vest and much to Kotori’s surprise, undoes the top few buttons of her collared shirt underneath and just pulls it over her head. 

Kotori doesn't think she would be strong enough in any life to not stare, especially intoxicated. The peak of Umi’s flat stomach as she pulls the collared shirt underneath off to a riding tank top causes her to blush like she's taken ten more drinks. She sees the familiar curve of definitive ab muscles and she has to turn away to pretend like she's doing a dance that requires spinning around to really tear her eyes off before Umi notices. She can spend hours staring at her completely naked while drawing her and be just fine, but there's something scandalous about the teasing peak of her skin, now. 

When Kotori next looks to Umi, she’s pulled the tank back down over her stomach. It hugs her torso closely and Kotori knows she's weak and has her eyes glued irredeemably to it. Her shoulders and neck are so nice that she wants the trace them with her fingers instead of a pencil. Her breasts, while not very big, were perfect enough to maybe cup her hands around...

She wants Umi close but she isn't sure how to ask. She wants to do more than just look and the alcohol makes her embarrassment to do such a thing lessen in severity. She knows what it's like being right flush against her—she's kissed her before and it had come to that, after all—and she can’t help but long for that feeling again. She wonders if Umi thinks about it as often as she does. 

She takes a glance back at Umi’s face and she feels her heart skip a beat. There were multiple things that made cause for such a thing. The first thing being the fact that Umi doesn't really sweat—she glows. The second thing is the fact that her hair is beautifully astray, thrown in such a manner that is not wild, but tussled and fun. And the last thing. Maybe she's just failed to really analyze it before, but Umi’s eyes follow her with a smothering intensity that traps her and makes a tremor tickle at her knees. That also totally means that she has undoubtedly noticed the way Kotori's been eating up the eye candy that was pretty much everything standing in front of her. 

Kotori sways and averts her eyes. She wonders if the lighting is poor enough for her to not look like the complete tomato she feels like right now. 

Her heart threatens to explode out of her chest as Umi shuffles close and bows her head down a bit, her mouth hovering near her ear as her cheek presses slightly into her temple. The faint puffs of her panting brushes pleasantly at her skin and Kotori can smell the scent of her pine body wash humid with the salt of her sweat. 

“Kotori,” Umi whispers and Kotori’s eyelids flutter as her entire length of her neck back down to her waist raises with goosebumps.

“Hmm?” She keeps a beat in her hips, though her movements are becoming lazy. It’s also like Umi has her own gravitational pull, the way she starts to graze her with her arm and hip because she starts angling towards her. 

“I really like you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know.... i'm sorry. this chapter was getting long and i had to find a place to cut it off. good news is i'm very nearly done with the next chapter so hopefully ya'll don't hate me for cutting it off there if i can get that up as soon as i can. sorry if there are mistakes, i'll correct them as i'm told or see them i just wanna post this and have it out there
> 
> next chapter has some GOODS in it so stay tuned. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi... i'm not dead. just feeling mfph—[redacted]. there are goods here but nothing nsfw quite yet. it was getting a little long so i decided to cut it off and see where we go next time. soon everyone. soon. enjoy and thank you for reading.

_”I really like you.”_

Kotori completely freezes down to her very soul. 

“I know I’ve already messed up with you and I feel like I’m about to do something very stupid. Tell me that you don't want any of this and I’ll get a grip because right now, I want you so badly it hurts and if you don't feel exactly the same way in complete certainty, then I need to be told that now,” she says softly into her ear with a heaviness in her voice that sounds so resolved and yet so afraid. 

Kotori doesn't feel like any is this is real. Why her? Why, why, why…?

She's happy. She's excited. She wants this. Of course she does. But why in the world would anyone feel that way about her? Especially someone so strange yet amazing? She doesn't deserve all of this but she doesn't want to let it go. 

In spite of her surety, is she even really herself right now with alcohol under her belt? Was Umi? But it was unfair to think that just because they were having a little bit of aided fun that those words had any less weight than Umi intended them to.

No matter, that doesn't change her answer to this question that Umi probably wouldn't have been able to ask in any other circumstance but the one that surrounds them now. She doesn't think anything could change her answer. 

She turns her head, feeling as though every nerve in her body was screaming in protest at her because she was trying to shake off the shock that keeps them frozen. Umi draws back so that they’re nearly nose to nose.

Her heart is caught in her throat and she's blushing hard—they're completely still on a dance floor but Umi is focused on her like nothing else is important in the whole world and Kotori feels so undeniably special. 

Kotori steadies herself, the tips of her fingers curling into the bottom of Umi’s shirt weakly. “I can't tell you something that isn't true,” she manages and is somehow able to keep Umi’s earnest gaze with her own. “I… I do want this. Maybe a little too much.”

The laugh that tumbles from Umi is light and astonished. “Even after everything I’ve put you through, I don't frighten you? You don't hate me?” She says as she searches her eyes.

Kotori shakes her head, her movements slow like she’s caught in a trance. “No… everything about you just draws me in… I can’t explain why,” she mouths and maybe she could explain, but right now she feels like she can barely speak. 

There’s a thick moment of pause and the music that returns to her ears is suddenly deafening in tandem with her violently knocking heart. Umi’s expression doesn’t change as she stares after her—it’s a look of distant, starry disbelief. Kotori feels Umi’s hand wrap delicately around one of her own and she’s stepping forward as Umi slowly walks back. They’re off the dancefloor and Kotori remembers to swipe her jacket up as her face burns and she averts her eyes to the floor as Umi turns and walks the both of them back to their booth. Umi shells out a wad of yen and tosses it on the table, grabs her scarf, and Kotori confusedly grabs her bag and then they’re leaving.

Kotori doesn’t know what else to say, so she remains silent—she feels her pulse hammer throughout every corner of her body. She wonders if Umi could feel it at her palm that she tugs along gingerly.

They’re back into the crisp winter night air and Umi pivots towards her so suddenly in the alleyway, Kotori knocks into her. Kotori’s bag and jacket falls to the floor, Umi’s scarf crumpling on top of them. Cold fingers take her face and slightly chapped lips smash against hers. Kotori’s eyes are wide open but she can’t see anything. It’s messy and she stumbles a bit, accidentally stepping on her bag and falling backwards out of the kiss. She feels her shoulders press against a wall and she doesn’t know when she reflexively brought her arms up to pull Umi with her, but they’re engaged in another kiss within seconds of the last one.

She feels possessed—something so deep rooted in her vigorously springs the desperate kiss to a challenge and Umi shoves firmly against her to where her back squares flat against the wall and Kotori feels her stomach coil so tightly as the assertiveness leaves her breathless.

And that’s how they stay for however long. Kotori’s arms are tight around Umi’s shoulders and she works her mouth against her’s until Umi introduces her tongue and she’s weak in the knees as she rushes to keep up. She doesn’t think her movements could be any more clumsy with the added layer of intoxication, but she hardly cares and Umi feels just as unreeled. The hands that grip her waist are tight but not tight enough. She burns all over and she can't help but think that she wants _more_ , as greedy as she knew that was. 

“Umi,” she pants into her lips, not sure if she's heard her at first as Umi treats her lips again and again with drawn out, lingering kisses that feels almost thoughtful. Kotori pulls in her arms and ghosts her fingers along Umi’s shoulders to her collar bones. To the curve of the top of her breasts, her touch timid before she slides her hands back onto her shoulders. She repeats, “Umi.” 

She responses with a hum of acknowledgement. Her hands at her waist slide up carefully just a bit before falling back down to rest there. The visible puffs of her warm breath tickles the thin skin of her lips as she gives pause. 

Kotori looks into her lidded amber eyes, dark as they were, dazedly. She feels like she can melt underneath that gaze. She doesn't ever want her to stop watching her like that. “Can we go back to my apartment?” She asks, edging on nervous but more impatient than anything. The words are so heavy yet light on her tongue as she lets the insinuation write itself for all it was worth. 

Umi nods a small nod, unable to focus on her eyes for too long as she stares at her lips. “Do you want me to take us back?” She whispers and in spite of the urgency that is slowly winding down, Kotori shakes her head. Her nose briefly brushes against hers. 

“We can get a cab,” she murmurs. She doesn't know how she feels about going back and losing her boldness to instant sobriety—not sure how she feels about losing the reality of this night as she knew it. 

Umi shells out her phone and Kotori’s eyes draw down to her state of dress. She’s forgotten her sweater vest and long sleeve inside and must be cold. Come to think about it, she dropped her things on the floor. Kotori takes in the realization unhurriedly, her mind lagging to think about much else past the fuzz that clouds her brain. 

Umi leans away from her, eyeing her display before Kotori sees her jaw tighten and her gaze becomes strained. She sighs and glances at her, struggling at first to start her words before she finally speaks. “Um… I’ll pay, but could you call?”

Kotori nods patiently and takes the phone Umi offers out to her in relief. The number is already dialed so she presses call and holds it up to her ear, not thinking too much about it. 

“Thank you,” Umi mouths to her, a bit embarrassed as she averts her eyes and Kotori brings her eyes up awkwardly to the top of the building opposite them as she talks with the woman that picks up on the other line about their location and whatnot. 

Umi’s hands at her waist flex out and slip back, angling her hips forward off of the wall and into her own. When Kotori peeks at Umi, her eyes are pointed downwards, more concentrated than anything. 

Firm pressure digs into the divot line of her back and drags up along either side of her spine and Kotori forgets what she's saying into the phone as her lungs jump into her throat and her eyelids flutter closed because _wow_ that feels so, _so_ good. She flinches to catch Umi’s phone she almost drops straight out of her hand and has to tell the lady yes, she was still on the line and that she was just… thinking. 

She reaches up and curls her free hand around the back of Umi’s neck, working her fingers into the muscle and angling her head down as she tilts her own chin up.

Umi’s mouth parts and she sighs shakily against her, her forehead now resting against hers. Kotori knows for sure that the lady on the other line can hear two people breathing into the phone. She turns her head away as she listens to the lady tell her _something_ about the cab, she can't really focus as blood rushes in waves to her face as she exposes the crook of her neck and pulls Umi closer to it. 

There's little hesitation as lips meet the stretch of skin behind her ear and she feels a ginger kiss placed there. It's enough to make her squirm; the skin there is so unforgivably sensitive. She feels every inch of her body prick pleasantly. Rolls of soft laughter bubbles from Umi and Kotori manages to swallow the pathetic whimper that starts in the back of her throat at the strangely wonderful sensation.

Umi trails her lips down along the curve of her flushed neck, contemplative yet dangerous. Kotori doesn’t think she’s ever felt anything so nice. 

Kotori, by some divine power, manages to communicate where the pickup point will be with the lady in less than three breaths before she hangs up abruptly, dizzy as she parts her legs to ground herself because she thinks she’s seconds from falling over. She laces her arm with the phone clenched in her hand back over Umi’s shoulders and pushes her body up into hers needily. 

Umi pulls back a bit and Kotori feels the teasing edge of teeth graze the shell of her ear. A pitched sigh tumbles from her lips as she arches her back reflexively. They need to be at the pickup point in a couple of minutes, but Kotori can’t seem to weigh her priorities right now. 

Their lips meet again—Umi’s are warm and taste faintly like salt. She barely feels the way they gently coax her own lips, they are so impossibly soft. Kotori wants to feel with her tongue, so she does. She struggles to keep her eyelids open as she slows the kiss with intention and draws the tip of her tongue lazily across her bottom lip. It glides like she's up against glass and she feels it curl into a slight smirk. She dares another peek up at Umi’s amber eyes, which are still watching her inexorably.

The hands at her waist dip lower over the swell of her hips and Kotori wonders for one last time if she's really sure that she doesn't want Umi to just take them back in time. But she realizes the sooner they’re at the pickup point and in the cab, the sooner they’re somewhere a little more private. She feels Umi curl her fingers at the back of her upper thighs and drag up along her fleshy rump and her eyes roll to close as she sighs a tiny moan against Umi’s chin. 

The echo of footsteps and voices comes from down the way and Kotori feels Umi draw away reluctantly, though not by much. Kotori braces herself against the wall behind her at the disappearance of her support but doesn't say anything as she downcasts her gaze, too embarrassed to entertain the thought of what someone passing by might have seen. She's panting under her breath and she feels like she’s running a fever, she’s so warm in the face. 

They remain still, inches apart enough for their to be plenty of assumptions, but nothing outlandishly indecent or incriminating as the group of women who fall quiet passes by, their shadows ghosting over them wordlessly the only acknowledgment of their presence.

When they're gone, Umi turns and picks up their things quietly. 

Kotori pushes off of the wall and she’s so dizzy she has to cling onto Umi’s elbow to keep herself properly upright. Umi patiently waits for her to regain her balance and shoulders all of their things onto one arm before sliding the other around her as a means of support. Kotori studies her face and sees that Umi looks just as embarrassed as she feels, but she doesn't say anything. She begins to lead the way to the designated pick-up point, feeling remarkably light on her feet in spite of how much everything around her spins. 

The cab ride is torture. Umi slides a hand onto her knee innocently enough and she doesn't look at her as she stares out the window with flush cheeks. It’s Kotori that stares at that hand, mouth dry as she shifts under it slightly, squirming in her seat at such a simple gesture. 

When she feels her back press hard against her front door, she fumbles to lock it just like she fumbles to keep Umi’s lips to hers. She's so jittery and nervous and excited and Umi feels equally all of that and more.

“Are you okay?” Umi breathes against her lips. It’s a sweet gesture that vastly contradicts the way she grips at her hips.

Kotori nods, even more sure that she was comfortable with how everything had proceeded. 

Umi laughs weakly in disbelief and reaches up to thread her fingers through Kotori’s hair. “Tell me that we’re going too fast,” she says gently. 

“I told you before, haven’t I? I can’t tell you something that I don’t think is true,” Kotori murmurs, her eyes lulling as she feels the pads of Umi’s fingers press into the base of her scalp and fan out, scratching softly. 

“Then tell me what you want from me. I just… I just need to be told,” she murmurs next, watching her lips. 

But she supposes she simply has to dispel those worries that plague her. 

“You. I want you, Sonoda Umi.”

The ease in which she says something so forward and undoubtedly embarrassing doesn't make her flinch or fidget. Kotori doesn't think she's ever been so sure of something born out of spontaneity—something born out of a complete unknown. 

It isn't until then that Kotori realizes the dominate, meandering clockwork that is her life—ticking the same day in and out. Work, school, family, friends. She's living a comfortable life and she's never pushed herself to do something that she normally wouldn’t, living safely in the boundaries of what she knows. 

She’s desperately reaching for a breath of fresh air—reaching for change that she doesn't know the outcome of. Umi is such a wild card, her every move electrifying and new and exciting to the touch. 

Everything Kotori knows has been questioned. Umi seems like the road to some abstract but absolute truth—or at least the option to find that truth. It’s like if things have been the same—boring and safe—until now, someone like Umi coming into her life could mean that she had the chance to change something for the better.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so the rating gets bumped up here because the writing was too explicit for an m rating, according to my beta. it was a long time in the making, but enjoy and hopefully future updates will be a little faster since i'm actually very slow at writing porn ha...
> 
> to be noted cause i forgot; you may skip the sex scene by going directly to the line break in the middle of the chapter and reading on.

There's nothing for a stretch of time, but there's also _everything_. The air is so charged between them, it makes Kotori shiver. 

When she finally clicks the door open, Umi is still staring at her so intensely, she feels like the most important thing in the world. 

They're inside and Kotori doesn't bother reaching for the lights. She can't focus on much else but the caress of Umi’s lips that have returned to hers—the exception being the way Umi grips her hips and massages them through her clothes. Her bag falls to the ground and they kick off their shoes as step up into the apartment. Kotori leads Umi towards her room, her steps leaden as she walks backwards, arms laced around Umi’s neck as the intensity of the kiss simmers into a low-rumbling fire. 

Kotori gets so handsy—so suddenly possessive in the safety and privacy of her room. She gropes and tugs and explores and tastes Umi’s jaw and neck and any second of skin her mouth can reach. She doesn't feel clumsy as she turns and maneuvers Umi to sit on her futon. As she straddles one of Umi’s thighs, the look she receives thick and amused and Umi is slightly breathless—dazed. Umi licks her lips subtly and lets Kotori push her back to lay down. 

She feels Umi wrench up her thigh up between her legs, solid muscle and the hint of bone and thin leggings flush against her cotton panties driving her mad. Kotori hasn't a clue of what she was doing, but she wants closeness. She wants proximity, friction, _fire_. She rocks her hips once and her mouth falls open—the undeniably vulnerability and the jolt of pleasure that shoots through her one step towards an unforgiving addiction that has her possessed with one purpose; release. She braces herself on Umi’s shoulders and finds a rhythm as Umi pushes up harder into her, gripping her hips with her eyes trained on her, seeking and heavily lidded, mostly set on her mouth. Kotori moans airily, the sound strange to her own ears and she swears Umi responds with a moan of her own. 

The way she grinds down on her thigh becomes erratic and useless, stagnating her climb to ecstasy. She frustrates and stops, Umi still watching her with a lovely and dark grin on her lips as Kotori pants. Kotori paws at her shirt, tugging impatiently. 

Umi laughs under her breath and sits up, shifting her forward to sit farther up onto her hips. Then, she pulls her shirt over her head and drops it behind her. Kotori wastes no time tracing the curves of her arms and neck with a gentle idea of her fingers. 

“This is your first time, isn't it?” Umi pants against her collarbone. She plants a kiss there and draws back to catch her suddenly shy gaze. 

Kotori nods and wets her bottom lip. She draws it in between her teeth and nervously bites it, flushes, and self consciousness blooms dark and suffocating in her throat. 

Umi looks understanding, lagging behind as she watches the small movements of her lips before she regards her gently—almost protectively. “If I hurt you, will you tell me?” She whispers against her lips, looking into her eyes for her response. 

Kotori swallows past the dry knot in her throat and brings her hand up, her arms feeling heavy as she ghosts the pads fingers across Umi’s jaw and they disappear into the strands of blue behind her ear. “I-I don’t think you can hurt me,” she says, her voice sounding so small. She regains some of the quality to her words. “And Umi... I don't want you to go back. If you make a mistake, it’s okay. I’ll tell you. And if I make a mistake, you can tell me, too. Okay? I don't want to get it right—not now.”

“Okay...” Umi breathes and a certain tension that Kotori hasn't noticed seems to disappear from her shoulders. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Kotori repeats, the motion more noticeable on her lips than it is heard. Her eyes draw down to observe the way Umi’s chest expands and falls with her every inhale and exhale. In just a bra and pants, she's gorgeous. But it isn't enough. 

“C-can I take this off?” Kotori burns all the way to the tips of her ears as she eyes the straps of Umi’s bra in embarrassment. 

“Please do,” Umi murmurs and she leans back to gather all of her hair over one of her shoulders, out of the way of the clasp. 

Kotori swallows air and presses her lips together as she scoots forward on Umi’s lap, her shaking hands going around either side of Umi’s ribcage. When her hands meet each other on her back, she feels around for a moment, her mind fuzzy as Umi presses a timid kiss to her lips. Kotori just as timidly keeps it, her eyes closing as she undoes the clasp and pulls both of the straps towards her. 

Umi parts her mouth and Kotori follows suit, matching her unrushed strides. Her bra falls into her lap and she generously lets her hands explore the new skin she's unveiled. She feels the lines in her skin where the garment dug in and hesitates very little in raising her palms to her chest. 

She's proud of her boldness. Umi lags behind in the kiss as she cups her perfect breasts. And while not big, it's just as she thought they'd fit—just right as they fill her hands—though there is nothing that could prepare her for the way Umi hums and hungrily stirs the kiss as she rolls her palms and kneads them. Kotori feels a monstrous wave of heat stampede directly to her groin. Umi encourages her with a soft nibble to her bottom lip. 

Kotori wants her bra off too and she doesn't have to wait long before Umi begins to pet her waist underneath her shirt. She doesn't even feel shy when her shirt comes up and she’s feverishly excited as Umi kisses her down her neck and takes off her bra in turn. 

Kotori eases back as Umi travels down with her mouth. Kotori knows for a fact that Umi can feel every thundering crash of her heartbeat on her tongue. 

Her tongue. It slithers against her skin, ghosts over the silky expanse of her breasts. Teeth return to tease as the rising peak of her nipple and Kotori squeezes her thighs together at either side of Umi's hips and sighs, the sound pitched and shaky. 

Umi loops an arm securely around her, squishing Kotori’s own arms between them as she flips her around and presses her back against the futon, hovering over her. Her skirt hikes as Umi joins their hips together and seals their lips in a fiery, excited motion. Her blue hair falls around her neck and tickles her cheeks and collarbones. 

Umi looming above her was so comforting. She was heavy, but not overbearingly so. She feels every shift of her body, her every breath. She feels her take charge, her kisses peppered with little nips of contrasting levels of aggressiveness. Kotori hooks her legs at her hips and draws her intimately closer, feeling paper thin as her blood rushes and her heart beats loudly against the cage of her ribs. 

Umi paints Kotori passion red and lusty purple with every seal of her mouth, every sliver of her tongue a whisper as she treats her neck and breasts until Kotori squirms and impatiently curls her fingers into the back of her head, producing the most lewd hums and gasps.

Kotori feels warm hands glide across the skin of her thigh and underneath her skirt. Umi pulls back and shucks her panties down, the urgency causing waves of fire to pool in her core. 

“Too fast?” Umi breathes after a beat of hesitation and Kotori answers by lifting her hips and rolling off her skirt. 

Kotori reintroduces her lips to Umi’s and tugs her back down to hover over her, feeling so vulnerable—completely bare. It’s thrilling, scary, and fantastic. Umi smiles into her mouth and Kotori thinks she feels the tip of Umi’s tongue trace a portion of her bottom lip. 

The feeling of spreading her legs wide and having Umi brush against and grind down on her was maddening. She is reduced to action as she fails to trust her words, maneuvering one of Umi’s hands down the curve of her stomach and in between her legs, finally awarding attention to the trimmed patch of coarse hairs there. 

Umi dips two fingers—or three, Kotori can't tell—down, parting her experimentally. Kotori moans into Umi’s hair, knowing well she shouldn't be embarrassed by being so wet, but the way her face burns all the way to her ears and as Umi audibly swallows is enough to make Kotori turn her head away and draw her bottom lip in between her teeth and bite. 

Umi traces and teases her almost aimlessly, kissing her distractedly at the knot of muscle of her jaw. Kotori mewls—squirms and huffs cutely. She's so dizzy, the meager coaxing of the flame of desire that she wants to consume her has her babbling nonsense until she finds purchase on the words she wants. 

“Umi… I want… I want you. Please,” she murmurs, embarrassment flooding anew to her cheeks.

Umi sinks down from her jaw and presses her lips onto her sternum. Kotori feels her grin against her skin. “Like this?” 

Kotori hardly notices the first finger that slips easily inside, but the way Umi turns it steadily quickly garters her attention. Something akin to an expletive silently rolls off her lips and she feels the sliver of Umi’s tongue trail a small circle on her chest. She could never have thought that just one finger could feel like that when it was just her touching herself. 

“Oh my god, yes, like that. J–just…” Kotori can't weave words any longer as Umi wrenches up inside of her once and Kotori whines breathily. 

Umi wastes little time in adding a second finger and Kotori feels her every muscle become lax and useless as she tries to pull her closer. She trembles at how foreign and delicious it feels to have Umi inside her. 

Umi starts a deep, powerful rhythm and Kotori arches naturally into it, her mouth slack and spilling all sorts of gentle, lewd noises. 

Umi slows and slows, the touches she treats her with cherishing and delicate as summer waves lapping at her skin but Kotori feels a monsoon of bubbling, lusty urge overcome her that has her slightly tugging on Umi’s hair and grinding against her hand unevenly. So, Umi laughs and obliges her.

Kotori sits up enough to watch Umi work her fingers in and out of her, the pace turning from something careful to something hurried and absolutely delightful—so delightful it has Kotori’s toes curling as she pants and chirps.

It’s like Umi’s looking through her—straight through the fibers of her body into her very essence. She looks with her ears, closes her eyes with furrowed brows to hone in on her sighs and mewls and she drinks them up with her lips when they’re there at her mouth to catch them. 

Kotori’s breath catches as Umi hooks her fingers a certain way inside her and she pricks her nails into the back of Umi’s neck out of reflex as her every nerve ignites all at once in response. Her head presses back into her pillow as she ruts into the pumping of her hand and the next noise she makes is a high-pitched whimper. 

Umi bows her head in worship and moans into the curve of her breast as she focuses on similar strokes of her fingers, clearly having struck a chord that starts to completely unravel her. 

She can't control the way she gasps and begs—soars and sings. Umi laughs against her, breathless. Her fingers are relentless, her entire body budging at each thrust and Kotori knows her arm has to be burning, but she doesn't stop. It feels so good, it's no wonder that Umi has done this before. 

“Like that—ju-just like that, please, _please_ Umi—don't stop that,” Kotori moans huskily into Umi’s hair and she turns her head up to press a kiss to her cheek, her words aimless and strained and throaty as she curls her toes harder and tenses her legs and feels the throes of ecstasy bloom in her stomach. She begs more—she doesn't know what she's saying exactly or why she begs, but she begs—hungers, wants, _needs_.

“You’re beautiful. God, you’re so beautiful,” Umi whispers into her jaw, low and raspy. Those words tickle down her side and kindles the heat in her groan and that's all it takes. 

Kotori feels fire as her whole body burns white hot in pleasure and for a moment she sees stars as her every muscle tenses up and her throat constricts to silence. Umi holds her breath at the pricks of her nails at her back must have become painful, and though she's stopped pumping, she continues the movement of her fingers, hooking them relentlessly against her g-spot as she brings her tumbling over into release. 

She crashes through the threshold, her ears ringing. She bucks once— _oh my god_ —twice— _holy shit_ —, and three times. With every buck, Umi jerks her fingers up into her. Kotori sputters and moans with each one, twitching and gasping for breath. Then she falls lax, her body feeling useless. Umi withdraws her fingers from inside of her, her expression stunned as she drops her head to rest and pants raggedly into her collarbone. 

After a moment of thick, airy pants, Umi shifts to hover over her, the slight gust of air that whispers between their bodies making Kotori realize that she was covered in a fine sheen of sticky sweat. 

Umi leans down, watching her intensely with a smoldering desire that makes Kotori swallow hard. “Open your mouth,” Umi commands huskily.

She feels the brush of fingers in her bottom lip, slick and smelling sharply like her musk, and obeys. Kotori doesn't know how she could ever fight words spoken like that.

Umi’s middle finger slides in between her lips and her mouth waters at the salty yet tangy taste that coats her tongue. She squirms slightly at the notion. She's never done such a thing on her own and it's absolutely thrilling. 

“Close,” Umi commands again lowly and Kotori seals her lips and swirls her tongue around it and sucks. Umi watches with a deep set look of dark, lazy lust as she draws her finger out slowly. 

Kotori curls her nails softly into Umi’s back, well aware of the pricks she has left along her neck. She thinks for a second that if she keeps on like this, she’ll be ready to go again in spite of her exhaustion. She’s never been touched like that by anyone, after all. But to imagine Umi’s mouth, just as skilled as her fingers, in between her legs… Kotori can't help but whimper. 

Kotori watches as Umi draws both of her wet fingers into her mouth and sucks them dry. Kotori clamps her mouth shut hard and hisses a sigh out of her nose. Did she like how she tasted? Maybe she did—she bothered to go at length to get every last bit of her quim left on her hand.

In her dizzying haze of post-orgasm pleasure, Kotori draws a leg around Umi. Umi lays next to her, seeming ever more dazed and a tad exhausted. She seems content to lay pressed up next to her and to even draws her close so that her faces presses into the defined crook of her neck, the gradual steadying of their breaths feeling like the only thing in the entire world.

Then, “Kotori?”

The vibrations of Umi speaking travels all the way up her spine and very nearly jolts her awake. She hadn’t even noticed that she had begun to doze off.

“Yes?” She replies softly—sleepily.

“I finally see you, too.”

Kotori thinks the words strange as she thinks. The seconds turn to minutes and slug on as she is enveloped again in exhaustion and the reaches of sleep cradles her into a comfortable spell that she can’t shake. She dreams about looking out on a tired winter day. The cold can’t reach her from the warmth of a lit hearth that she lounges next to.

\---

Kotori wakes, her mind cloudy, a dull and distant ache persisting deep in her head. She hums with a furrow to her brow and places a hand on her temple, sitting up from the disarray of her sheets. 

The sun isn't up yet, but the hint of light peeking through the slat in her window blinds shows that it's barely early morning. 

Everything so quickly comes back to her as she shivers at the cool breeze that brushes her back. She presses her blanket into her bare chest. 

She looks around and a pit of worry ties itself in her stomach as she notices she's alone in her room. A second more of her staring at the vacant space next to her and she hears a muffled, soft spoken voice on the other side of the wall. 

Her heart leaps into her throat as she scrambles to stand. She's able to keep quiet and sneak up to her door. She grabs a bathrobe hanging up and shoulders it on as she presses her ear up to the sound. She doesn't have to strain hard to hear—the walls are relatively thin. Kotori catches a glimpse of the one-sided conversation—a phone call. 

_”... I understand. It’s my fault. I should have told you last night.”_

Kotori blinks and wonders if Umi minds if she hears. She's glad she isn't gone, but maybe she just didn't want to wake her up by taking the call in her room. Or maybe she really did want privacy. Either way, Kotori doesn't feel right eavesdropping. She hesitates as she reaches for the door handle. 

_”If it were any less urgent, I would have called before.”_

Kotori swallows, the curiosity eating her up, but she knows she should give Umi the chance to have the conversation elsewhere if she did want it to be more private. 

She pushes open the door and peeks out into the dark hallway shyly. Umi’s leaning against the opposite wall, an arm loosely crossed over her chest, facing her. She’s in the tank she had last night and her panties and she looks right to her. She doesn’t look surprised in the least as she regards her with a slight and apologetic smile. 

Kotori isn’t sure of how to approach her, so she smiles softly back and awkwardly redoes the tie of her robe, looking down as she waits for her to finish her call.

“I’m sorry. I’ll have to reschedule,” Umi sighs into her phone and looks down at the floor. She seems inconvenienced—annoyed. A beat passes before she responds. “Next week. Same time.”

Umi waits before shaking her head slightly. She draws the phone away from her ear and ends the call. Kotori wants to ask, but she lets Umi start on her own accord. She doesn't want to make her talk about it if she didn't want to. 

“Did I wake you?”

Kotori shakes her head no, feeling so suspended in confusion as of how to speak to her. Should she speak to her casually? Carefully? Like a friend? Or maybe like a lover?

Umi hesitates and takes a step towards her. “Are you sure…?”

“You didn't wake me. My mind just started racing a little when I came to before I heard you,” she admits. “I thought you left for a second.”

“... are you glad I didn't?” Umi’s expression doesn't change.

Kotori gives a small nod.“Yeah, I am.”

Her brows furrow slightly. “Really?” 

Kotori laughs breathlessly. “I promise. I’m glad you stayed. I… I think we have a lot to talk about.”

There’s a beat of hesitation before Umi responds. “Do we?”

Kotori hums and taps her forearm. “You don't think so?”

“What is there to say?” Umi shuffles where she stands and blushes so brightly, Kotori isn't convinced for a second that she asked the question seriously. 

“That was… it was… I-I had a lot of fun. Do you not feel the same way?” The self consciousness that plagues her is overwhelming. She _was_ a virgin until last night, so maybe Umi was disappointed with her performance. 

“Of course I do…” The whispered response hits her ears so softly, but it's a mountain of pressure off of her shoulders. 

“I know it's still early… but how about some tea?” Kotori offers meekly. 

Umi nods and eyes her with a certain relief and fondness that has Kotori reeling mentally as she looks away, pretending not to notice. 

When she finishes setting a pot to boil, Umi comes up quietly behind her. Kotori’s heart jump into her throat as she feels gentle arms encircle her waist. Warm breath kisses the back of her ear and her entire back presses comfortingly into Umi’s front. 

“I’m sorry. I’ve been rude. I just had to deal with some unpleasant business,” Umi whispers into the curve of her ear and Kotori feels like her legs are jelly.

It’s a wonder she can muster words past the lump in her throat. “It’s okay. What kind of business?”

“Family matters. My father owns a company and has been mentoring me to take his place. I missed a meeting he wanted me to attend. I’ve been to it before,” Umi explains, her voice growing a bit husky as her fingers inch towards the opening of her robe, the teasing brush of the pads of her skin tickling her stomach.

Kotori suddenly can’t focus on anything of importance for the life of her. Her breathing picks up and she blushes all the way down to her neck as Umi places a kiss behind her ear and then nips at the shell with her teeth. “It’s… it’s a bit early, isn't it?” She manages in a small voice and Umi sighs thoughtfully as she buries her face into the curve of her neck. Kotori’s eyes flutter and she wets and bites her bottom lip.

“You think?” Umi asks, muffled against her skin as she trails a slow circle on the skin she’s excavated. “If it’s too early now, I’ll take us back,” she says against her and Kotori thinks she’s joking, but the way she inches off the robe from her shoulder and seals her mouth around the skin is enough to convince her that she means the offer very much. And Kotori wants to accept it—she wants to try last night again and again. It's irresponsible, even a bit careless. But what was so wrong in indulging when there was nothing to lose?

So she swallows and nods. She turns and curls her fingers into the back of Umi’s head and crashes their lips together hungrily.

“Take us back,” Kotori says breathlessly—shakily and excitedly—into Umi’s faint smile. 

“As you wish.”

Then, darkness.

There's nothing for a stretch of time, but there's also _everything_. The air is so charged between them, it makes Kotori shiver.


	13. Chapter 13

Kotori wakes to the gentle caress of the morning sun peeking through her blinds. This time, she wakes without a headache, the blur of last night’s events coming back to her as she turns her face into her pillow and stretches. 

She feels a blush crawl up to the tips of her ears as she presses her nose hard into her pillow, the faint scent pine and the bold hint of sweat filling her head. 

How many times had it been? The feverish touches, the reckless volumes she now knew her voice could entertain, the embarrassing things she had said dotted in between every anticipated release... Kotori has no hope of keeping count, but she knows for sure that she has never felt this great waking up for class. 

Upon shouldering on her robe and exiting her room, Kotori quickly gathers that Umi was gone. An email is waiting in her inbox when she powers her phone on to check. It reads: _Kotori, I decided to go and take care of a couple things I’ve been avoiding. We’ll be able to talk undisturbed and on better time if I take this initiative. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay, but I felt inspired and knew that if I didn’t spring to action right away, I would probably lose that spark. I’ll talk to you soon._

Kotori stares and rereads the message several times, trying to extract something different with every scrutiny, but she’s rewarded with very little. She isn’t sure of how to reply and spends the better half of preparing for her day mulling over it. 

She finally writes something as she’s standing in her doorway, bundled up in a jacket and scarf: _Take your time, I’ll be waiting!_

It’s strangely surreal, sending a message like that. The layers of irony and crypticness doesn’t escape her as she presses on.

In class, she spaces out. It’s terribly unlike her and she doesn’t get pestered about it at all. She was a bit transparent to begin with, so in the lively classes of her excited peers, she coasts by without gathering any suspicion.

By the afternoon, Kotori notices that the day is so painfully _normal_ that it is hard to pinpoint the knotted feeling of disappointment in her chest. To her, her life was _incredibly_ eventful so suddenly, but who had she to tell? 

She humors the idea of Honoka, wanting to at least give her a chance to tell her whether or not she really was making things up, since Honoka, however theatrical she was with ambition to match her gigantic heart, was strangely down to earth. 

After her classes conclude for the day, Kotori treats herself to a slice of cake as she wistfully looks out to the sun sinking in the sky from the corner windows of the café she works at. 

“Can Nico Ni get you anything else, Kotori-chan~?”

Kotori blinks out of her daze and looks over to her coworker, dressed in that familiar maid uniform (and cute to boot!), smiling warmly as she shakes her head. 

“Are you sure? You look like you're thinking awful hard about something… a big decision, perhaps? Nico knows all, being an older sister and everything! Tori-chan has been nothing but _appreciative_ to Nico’s charm points! It's about time to give back~” Nico flashes her trademark smile and gestures the infamous Nico-Ni at her. 

Kotori is brought to a blush at such kind words. “Oh! You—you don't have to! I’m just thinking about, um, a friend I’ve made recently.” That was one way of putting it…

Nico learns forward, gleaning her expression with slightly squinted eyes. “I thought I was your only friend.”

“Eh?” 

Nico looks like she’s resisted the urge to roll her eyes before she perks back up. “Kidding~! It’s no wonder you make friends easily, you're Kotori-chan, the legendary maid Min—”

Kotori _leaps_ to clamp her hand over Nico’s mouth as the color drains from her face. What if someone she didn't want to know was listening?! “Nico-chan! Keep it down, will you?!”

She can practically feel devilish grin that Nico gives her from where she’s plopped her hand on her mouth, something a bit more sinister like cinnamon on vanilla peeking through her bright personable self she flaunts around. 

Nico shrugs and leans away from Kotori’s hand, wiping her mouth in a display of indifference. “I suppose that’s the least I could do for you,” she leans down on the table and flips a switch immediately as she talks to her in a private manner. “Hey. So, there’s this party that Maki wants me to go to Friday night. She wants me to be her hip candy or something—show me off to some gross business guys or whatever. You wanna come with? That way, when she inevitably ditches me for secret evil villain talk, I won’t be alone and left to fend for myself.”

Kotori fights the giggle that starts in her throat and beams up at her. “You know I love getting all dressed up, how could I refuse? As long as it’s no bother to you or Maki-chan, I’d love to go.”

Nico claps her hands together in pleasure and sits up with a cheeky smile at her lips. “Of course it’s no trouble! We’ll pick you up at seven, then!” 

Kotori mocks up her outfit in her head all the way home until she’s at her door, fumbling for her keys. 

Her neighbors seem to be returning at around the same time as her and the three of them pass in happy conversation. Kotori just barely gets her key into the lock before she jumps slightly at the exclamation made in her direction. 

“Oh! Minami Kotori-san!”

Kotori looks over, pushing open her door and stopping before she heads inside. 

Her neighbors are… eccentric. The three of them share a one bed one bath and she hasn’t a clue as of how they can manage, but they make it work. If Kotori speculates correctly, the three of them were in a relationship of some kind with each other. She can just tell things like this by looking at how they interact. 

Ohara Mari is looking over at her with a cheeky, knowing grin. “Did you have fun last night?”

One of the other women, whose name Kotori is pretty sure is Kurosawa, nudges her in annoyance, kissing her teeth. The last woman—Matsuura, whom Kotori had mistaken for an olympic athlete she had thought she saw representing Japan on television—holds a ridiculously big chain of keys to the door, unhurriedly trying each key with a faint grin, searching for the correct one. 

“Um… last night?” Kotori tilts her head innocently. Oh no...

Mari giggles and winks over at her. “Don’t play dumb! You sounded like a pretty songbird~who’s Umi? Is she your girlfriend?”

Kotori’s eyes widen in horror. In that moment, if she had Umi’s abilities, she would instantly rewind to retry that night to dodge this awful embarrassment. She should have known. The walls weren’t exactly the most soundproof…

“I-I… um… well—“

“Ignore her, she feeds off of fear. But she won’t bother if you don’t give her the attention,” Kurosawa pipes up indignantly. 

Mari grins and wiggles her fingers at Kurosawa. “Oh? I’m a shiny monster, then? Yum, yum, Dia, I’m gonna eat up your fears~!”

A click sounds as Matsuura finally undoes the lock on the door and looks back. “Hm? What are you on about now?”

“Nothing, daddy! Dia is being a killjoy.”

“Why do you keep calling me daddy?”

“Because Dia is the momma and I’m your love child!”

Dia sighs raggedly and places a hand on the seemingly easily distractible Mari and pulls her inside. “Please just get inside.”

The door shuts behind them. 

Kotori stares for a moment longer, processing everything slowly before she giggles at the humor of the situation rather than the awful embarrassment. It had all happened so fast… but there was no use in dwelling upon it. Maybe she wouldn’t change last night if it meant seeing something interesting like that.

While drafting her outfit for Friday, Kotori feels a hint of inspiration and drops what she’s doing right away to duck down behind her canvas and mock up a few sketches for her final project. This could be her big break and she needed to spend every moment she felt that spark jotting down her ideas. 

She squints at the sketch when she’s got down her base ideas and while it’s not revolutionary, it’s a start. She pulls the paper from her pad and pins it up onto the freshly bare cork board she has hanging on the wall. 

She stares after it with a critical eye. Chiffon for that bit, she sees the cut of the sleeves a bit longer, perhaps the blue she sees there is more vivid—royal, deep, mysterious…

Kotori’s eyes slowly trail along the lines of fabrics she has. Maybe shopping for new materials before she has an idea of what she wants to sew would also help spark her creative touch. 

When Kotori exits the fabric store, she feels like screaming her lungs out. 

It was _too_ normal—too normal for mysterious, ridiculously hot time travelling women to walk into her life and sex her up like never before and then leaving her back to her own usual devices. It’s frustrating, to say the least. 

Kotori is at the train station within the hour, holding her bolts of fabrics and all as she finds herself riding past her stop and heading to a very familiar side of town. 

Homura Bakery stands before her, cozy and warm as she remembers it always being. The chime that goes off when she enters the door helps to put her soul at ease. 

“Welcome back, Kotori-chan. Honoka’s upstairs,” Yukiho waves from behind the register and Kotori politely bows her head. 

“Thank you, Yukiho-chan. Pardon for the intrusion.”

Upstairs, when Kotori knocks at Honoka’s door and hears that she’s welcome in, she notices a curious scene. Honoka has a strange contraption perched over her bed that looks like its one and only function is to hold up the book hanging upside down in front of her face. 

Honoka bolts up from the bed suddenly at her appearance, obviously having expected her father or sister. The thin metal arms of the book holder buckles and the book flies off of the stand and tumbles onto the bed. “Kotori-chan!”

“Hi, Honoka-chan. Whatcha reading?” She asks with a bit of a laugh on her voice as she steps in and Honoka fumbles to push the stand away and fold it up. 

“Uh—just some child development books.”

Kotori tilts her head in interest. “So it’s not manga?” She teases. 

“Nope! I thought it would be interesting to read! And yes, I can still read! I just… need to keep a kanji dictionary close for some of the niche psychology field jargon,” Honoka says with a sheepish grin. 

“You sound like you’ve been hard at work!” Kotori sits excitedly down on the far cushion on the floor, placing out her fabrics at her side. 

“Yeah, well… now that I know what to aim for…” Honoka smiles before she pops up out of bed and throws her room door open. “Yukiho! Tea!” She yells down the stairs into the store. 

“I’m manning the store! You do it!” The response rings back up, distant. 

Kotori covers her mouth to giggle. 

“C’mon! I’ll cover your morning shift tomorrow!” Honoka begs. 

“... You’ll open, too!”

“Fine!”

“You better actually get up, Honoka!”

“The customers can hear you! Hush, you two!”

Honoka recoils back and laughs nervously. “Sorry dad!” Her and Yukiho both call out to him in the other room. 

Kotori patiently smiles, knowing it’s no use to tell Honoka she didn’t have to make a whole ordeal out of treating her to tea, especially having shown up out of the blue, but knowing Honoka, she would insist and Kotori would get herself nowhere. 

“So, you look like you’re getting serious about wanting to be around kids!” Kotori starts as Honoka plops down onto the floor with a sigh, all four limbs flat on the ground as she looks upside down at her. 

“I guess so. I haven’t done any reading since my first year of university… but I was thinking of going to a junior college instead to make things easier on mom and dad.”

“That’ll be good for you, Honoka! How do you feel about entrance exams?”

Honoka groans and rolls to lay onto her stomach. “Don’t remind me. I think I am going to need a tutor, after all. If I meet someone regularly to work with, then I’d feel more confident than studying by myself.”

The tea arrives and Kotori promises to find Honoka a tutor. There’s more small talk and Honoka asks her what’s new with her. 

“I slept with someone,” Kotori spills quite gracefully, she thinks. It’s like she didn’t just say something so embarrassing and shameful. 

A long pause settles and Kotori thinks her face might just burn away at how much she’s blushing, Honoka is staring right at her. It’s funny how Kotori can see the clockworks of her mind running across her face as she processes what she’s said. 

“Oh. Oh! You mean to say…” Honoka’s face lights up, interestingly enough. “You mean sex?”

Now Kotori has lost her voice and she can’t quite look her friend in the eyes. Why in the world did she bring this up anyway?! It _was_ driving her mad, keeping so hush hush about it. Kotori doesn’t often talk much about herself unless prompted, but even now, she knows she’s said too much to keep Honoka’s ironclad curiosity sated. 

“Wow! I hope you were safe! You never mentioned you had a boyfriend. Or—or a girlfriend.” 

Kotori is somewhat relieved that Honoka isn’t pressing for details. Perhaps it has to do with the fact that Honoka wasn’t so terribly interested in sex, herself. “Um… no, we’re not actually together. But I think… I think she likes me as much as I like her.”

“Well, if you’ve already up and done _that_ , probably! Who is it? Do I know her?” Honoka leans into the question, tea nearly forgotten. 

Kotori smiles meekly over at her. “In passing, perhaps.” Kotori remembers that Umi never took her to Homura Bakery in this current timeline, but Honoka _does_ have a selectively good memory. “She went to UTX. Her name is Sonoda Umi.”

Honoka stares for a beat before she crosses her arms, deep in thought. She looks especially perturbed as a cute little knit brings her eyebrows closer together. “Hm. I see. I feel like I’ve heard that name before… I feel like…?”

Kotori can’t find words as Honoka gets up and paces her room. Then, a great realization swoops across Honoka in the form of an excited gasp as she goes and digs into some drawers in her desk, getting deep past old papers and pamphlets. 

She unveils a single letter and it seems an old piece of stationery with faded maroon swirls along the edges. Honoka hands it to her with a triumphant smile. “This is for you! I just remembered it’s from her! She wanted me to give it to you when you met with her again! Strangely enough, it’s from a couple years ago. Like, more than four years! Weird! Did you two know each other?”

Kotori is left speechless as she receives the letter, addressed to her in a beautifully refined hand. Her name is spelled right, though Kotori is sure she’s never told Umi her first name is spelt with three hiragana. “Not yet,” Kotori replies with a growing grin as she recalls those words said to her upon asking Umi. 

_Kotori,_

_I’m sorry for this trouble. I was quite serious when I said I had some unavoidable business to take care of. I haven’t been able to respond to you in a timely manner and I apologize, but hopefully this finds you well just a few days after we have spoken._

The more she reads the letter, the more amazed she becomes. 

_Kousaka-san is a good person. I know you don’t need me to tell you that. For the first time in a long while, I feel like it’s alright if you want to tell her about what I can do. But that’s a difficult conversation and I wouldn’t put that on you if you didn’t want. I just didn’t want you to feel restricted by my silence since we hadn’t talked about logistics. However, you are your own woman and you should be able to decide those sorts of things for yourself._

_But I do ask that if that is something you would like to do, that it stays between you two. It could quickly spiral out of hand if anyone else knew. I’ve already dealt with a reality like that and it’s nothing short of tiring._

_I’ll reach out to you via email when I have a moment._

The letter seems to close up, but the space at the bottom seems to be a lag in Umi’s thoughts as she continues to write almost hesitantly.

 _I’ve been thinking about you a lot. It’s no guarantee that I’m not thinking about you now as I push on through dreary meetings and other formalities with my father. I haven’t felt like this in..._ The words are scribbled out after that and the letter continues on another line. 

_I wonder if you think about me as often as I do you._

_I feel like I shouldn’t be writing this. I sound so embarrassing. But for some reason, I’m less afraid than I was before, like I have nothing to lose when I’m being honest with you._

Kotori is well trying to hide the blush at her cheeks with the letter as Honoka peers curiously in her direction.

_I’m rambling. Or maybe it’s just easy to write this. And yes, I understand that waiting for a letter to reach you in six years is a little excessive, but I’ve done things that are much more laughably petty than this._

_But the truth is, I don’t know what I’m doing at all. But you know that. Cool and collected doesn’t equal knowledgeable and confident._

_I’ll stop before I’ve made any more of a fool out of myself._

_Best regards,  
Sonoda Umi_

Kotori hides her entire face in the letter, her face red up to her ears.

“I’m confused!” Honoka blurts out with a big smile as she takes a quick sip of her tea. “Why’re you blushing? C’mon, tell me, tell me!”

Kotori takes a deep breath in and just starts from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me crawling out of the ashes: im... not done with this one yet... it’s a boring chapter i think but it’s also transitionary so we’ll maybe pick up with someone a bit more ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) interesting next time 
> 
> soz for the wait. OTL my life.  
> happy holidays.


End file.
